Spidey: *mumbling from the sofa* She’s trippin’ again, man.
Matt: Are you ready yet? We should have been out of here thirty minutes ago!
FridayNext: *storming into the living room* Hey, don’t ignore me when I’m shouting at you. Who ate the crisps?!
Matt: Honey…
Spidey: Have you been on your scales lately? Not to be rude or anything, but even I can see that you waddle more than usual.
Matt: Spidey!
FridayNext: What did you say?
Spidey: Just…chances are that you joined in on the crisps so you shouldn’t be trippin’.
FridayNext: I bought those crisps yesterday because the girls are coming over tonight.
Spidey: Oh. Those. Were they for tonight?
Matt: Spidey, we really should be going.
FridayNext: Get him out of my sight, darling. I can’t…I’ll strangle him!
Matt: Sweetie, we’ll be off…
Spidey: If you insist on calling me sweetie, you’re so buying the drinks all night!
Matt: Move your ass! And put something less orange on, for god’s sakes.
Spidey: I’m just saying that she yo-yos a lot.
Matt: It’s what women do, Spidey. You should just let it pass.
Spidey: Once again we’ve proved that you’re a wuss!
I bake the cake from scratch. It consists of eggs, flour, sugar and coconut shredding. My arteries are clogging already just by the thought of sinking my teeth into one piece after another. I burn my right hand on the oven. Damnit! It hurts. It burns. It doesn’t look as horrific as it feels. Damnit again!
Then I do dishes again. Ouch ouch, warm water hurt my right hand’s burn. It’s time to make the fish soup. I open cans, pour stuff in the pot, stir and stir and feel sorry for myself whenever I glance down at my right hand.
More dishes to do. More pain.
The flat’s not been this clean in months. I have texted Uni to bring crisps. It’s all going according to plan. In fact, I’m ahead of schedule. So when Uni finally comes by – half an hour later than expected, but she’s forgiven because she brought me gifts as well! – four hours before the other guests arrive, I’m actually done. So we crash in the living room and engage in an intellectual conversation.
UniCorn: Dips for the sofa!
FridayNext: Dips for the armchair!
UniCorn: I love you!
FridayNext: I know the answer: me to J-Man!
UniCorn: There are two answers: me to your sofa!
FridayNext: We’re so cool!
UniCorn: We are! We’re so much fun to be with. We’re incredibly entertaining.
FridayNext: Especially me sober and you drunk.
UniCorn: Exactly! We’re the team for ever.
FridayNext: We are. Ha ha!
UniCorn: I need to lie down.
FridayNext: I need some cola. I’ve been up since I don’t know when and I’m tired.
UniCorn: Do you have a blanket?
UniCorn: I think.
FridayNext: Okay. You think?
UniCorn: I love your sofa.
FridayNext: Been there, moving on, you think?
UniCorn: Oh, right. I think that sometimes you like people.
FridayNext: Following you, understanding you.
UniCorn: And people you like are really likable.
FridayNext: Logic accepted.
UniCorn: Life isn’t black and white.
FridayNext: I don’t want to hear this.
UniCorn: But I’m the same. I also hate grey areas.
FridayNext: So everything should be black and white.
UniCorn: I agree! But really, when you like people you only see the good stuff.
FridayNext: Because you like people so you focus on their good traits.
UniCorn: I mean, you – you, honey. FridayNext, sweetie. You only focus on the good stuff in people when you like them.
FridayNext: Somehow that’s not bad in my book.
UniCorn: I know. And I love that about you…
FridayNext: Awww! You love me!
UniCorn: You know I do, honey.
FridayNext: Honey!
FridayNext and UniCorn in UniSon: *making kissing noises to each other*
UniCorn: But people are bastards sometimes.
FridayNext: *sucks in air* I can’t believe you said that!
UniCorn: But they are. And sometimes you give them too much credit.
FridayNext: I need examples because the buzz from the cola is wearing off.
UniCorn: Who’s the cleverest…
FridayNext: Ace!
UniCorn: …person you know.
FridayNext: Ace! It’s Ace! Def Ace!
UniCorn: Okay. Why?
FridayNext: What do you mean, why?! He is.
UniCorn: I think you’re infatuated by him and that’s why you put in some of the traits you admire in general. So you’ve made him clever.
FridayNext: That’s bull. He’s clever.
UniCorn: *looks FridayNext straight into her eyes*
FridayNext: He looks clever. He knows stuff that I don’t. And he has a great sense of humour. I like him a lot.
UniCorn: You know lot of stuff that he doesn’t. You have a sense of humour.
FridayNext: And that’s why we’re funny to be with, you and I.
UniCorn: Exactly! But back to my soon-to-be-awarded-thesis: if you like people, you only see good stuff. Ace is probably a bastard sometimes.
FridayNext: No.
UniCorn: Of course he is.
FridayNext: No.
UniCorn: Remember when we met the first time?
FridayNext: Sure.
UniCorn: And after we became friends…
FridayNext:…soulmates, honey!
UniCorn: Soulmates. You told me that at first you didn’t want to become friends because I smoked.
FridayNext: And you did.
UniCorn: And then I quit and we became friends.
FridayNext: And I’m so happy you quit and I love you, honey.
UniCorn: And I love you too, honey, but J-Man smokes.
Silence
UniCorn: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ambush you.
FridayNext: *looks out the window*
UniCorn: I love the stars.
FridayNext: Me too. And I know he smokes. And I know he DJs and we have absolutely nothing in common and I would bore him to death and he would drive me nuts with his silence and constant music.
UniCorn: And?
FridayNext: I could do with some cookie dough ice cream.
UniCorn: Rather super-mega-chocolate-shock-crunchy-creamy ice cream.
FridayNext: The others come in an hour.
UniCorn: I get the car keys!
Stay tuned for Part II
No comments:
Post a Comment