When the Honeymoon seems to be Just around the Corner – or Maybe Not

FridayNext: Matt! Matt! Where are you? Matt?
Spidey: Pipe down. He’s not here.
FridayNext: Where is he?
Spidey: Dunno. What’s wrong?

FridayNext closes the front door and drops her bags on the floor. Spidey blows his nose dramatically and shows her the contents. She frowns and goes ewww. Then she takes off her jacket and boots. Spidey doesn’t move but concentrates on the contents FridayNext wasn’t too impressed by.

Spidey: I got your cold.
FridayNext: You can thank me later. I bought dinner.
Spidey: Thought we were low on cash.
FridayNext: Yup. Used my VISA.
Spidey: Did you go to the supermarket?
FridayNext: Oh Spidey!
Spidey: *sighing* Oh no. I don’t want to hear this!

Spidey heads for the living room, but FridayNext graps his right shoulder and drags him backwards. He loses his footing and feels a sneeze come on.

Spidey: Atchhooo!
FridayNext: No!
Spidey: Ha ha, you look ridiculous!

She is covered in his web from head to toe and it looks like she’s being held captive in a giant net of spaghetti. He laughs out loud and then another sneeze is on its way and once again he loses control over his wrists but this time the net lands on himself.

FridayNext: Ha ha back at you! You so deserved that.
Spidey: No! Oh it’s disgusting! It’s wet and gooey.
FridayNext: Well, Sherlock. That’s how we feel every time you web us.

She takes one bag to the kitchen and orders Spidey to follow her with the other bag. He blows his nose and mumbles incoherently.

FridayNext: So I went to the supermarket!
Spidey: Tell Uni!
FridayNext: She’s not in. And I bought all this stuff. Healthy stuff because I can’t live like a pig any longer.
Spidey: And just in case that Ken would be at the check out…
FridayNext: Not entirely. Partly. Yes. However, he wasn’t. So I stand there and put my stuff in the bags. There are lots of people queuing.
Spidey: Fascinating. Never thought it would happen. And in a supermarket! Is this for real?!
FridayNext: Stop being sarcastic. So I bag and bag and suddenly, out of nowhere…
Spidey: *sarcastic* Please tell me that J-Man came in because that would just make my day over and over, and isn’t he just dreamy?
FridayNext: Oh J-Man!
Spidey: Stop it, woman!
FridayNext: Remind me that I have to tell you something about J-Man!
Spidey: Sure. Noted it on my imaginary whiteboard…
FridayNext: Ken comes striding through one of the queues. Oh Spidey, he’s strutting no end and I stand there…helmet on, sweating and goofy smile. And of course he walks past me but then one of the staff speaks to him!
Spidey: Oh my gawd! And still, I’m so totally not interested!
FridayNext: Sure you are! And the staff says something like: Oh Ken…
Spidey: Oh Ken, I wanna maaaaaarrrrryyyyyy you!
FridayNext: Not like that! Be serious for a second! Oh Ken, I hear that you’re off now. And Ken walks past him – like he did me – no eye contact or anything – but he shows his bum and lean…lean…lean…body. Where was I?
Spidey: Does it matter?
FridayNext: I remember now. And Ken – oh, he has a great comeback for the question. He says: chill, okay? I haven’t fucking left yet. And then he goes back into wherever he has his office and I stand there and gawk and you know what? His hair in the back is short. I like that. I like that a lot.
Spidey: Basically you lust after the most rude and incompetent manager I have ever heard of.
FridayNext: But his hair! Weren’t you listening? And his body is lean.
Spidey: Honey…
FridayNext: Oh, I don’t like that tone…
Spidey: And I like it even less to be the bearer of bad news. But have you ever even looked at Matt?
FridayNext: I see him everyday. When I go to bed, there he is. When I wake up in the middle of the night, there he is. When I wake up in the morning, there he is. When I come home from work, there he is. Well, except for today. I see him all the time.
Spidey: You ignore what you see. Have you noticed how trim he is? And he’s been doing something to his hair lately that even I have noticed.
FridayNext: What?
Spidey: Moussed it or cut it. I don’t know! I’m not that focused on him!
FridayNext: And I’m not gay, you know!
Spidey: I can’t talk to you right now.
FridayNext: Oi, don’t go! I still haven’t told you about J-Man.
Spidey: *sighing* You have one minute.
FridayNext: I emailed him today…
Spidey: Of course you did. Because only last week you found out that you would no longer tolerate being ignored and you would only focus on the small things in life that make you feel good. So of course you go back to the pattern that hasn’t given you anything but heartache so far.
FridayNext: Have you finished yet?
Spidey: Could you at least cook while you ramble? I’m hungry.
FridayNext: Deal. I’m also hungry. So I email him. Not much, just a line and after a couple of hours he replies.
Spidey: What is this?
FridayNext: Minced chicken. It’s healthy and tastes delicious.
Spidey: Please don’t do the psycho-chicken song!
FridayNext: Okay. Then you can chop onions.

The kitchen soon gets warmed up from the pots. Spidey chops onions and makes a big scene of watery eyes. FridayNext stands with her back to him and works on vegetables and meat. She giggles and points fingers at him now and again and he tries to control his web whenever he sneezes.

FridayNext: Oh J-Man. I forgot all about that. You know, he was really sweet today.
Spidey: How was he sweet?
FridayNext: He replied to my non work related emails and he joked. He said that his body was still on autumn time. It hadn’t registered it was winter yet.
Spidey: It’s stuff that we talk about, Fri.
FridayNext: Yeah. It’s just. Just. It’s just nice and normal and he’s got a great sense of humour.
Spidey: Like we do.
FridayNext: He’s a good man, Spidey.
Spidey: Unlike Ken?
FridayNext: They both look great, but their behaviour…it’s like seeing black and white materialised.
Spidey: But you’re home now.
FridayNext: Yeah.

The front door opens and Matt comes in. He’s wet from the rain. He has his running outfit on. He takes off his shoes and looks up at Spidey and FridayNext who watch him from the kitchen.

Matt: Hey.
Spidey: Yo.
FridayNext: Hi sweetness.
Matt: *smiling broadly* Hi honey.
FridayNext: Been out running?
Matt: Yeah.
FridayNext: Long?
Matt: Oh, not too long. Been gone for an hour.
FridayNext: That’s long.
Matt: Well.
Spidey: I’ve sneezed into the food so you can all get sick.
Matt: That sounds great.
FridayNext: Yeah.
Spidey: Oh puhleaze! Go chill and I’ll finish this. We eat in fifteen minutes.
Matt & FridayNext in UniSon: Okay.

In the living room FridayNext scoots over to Matt on the sofa.

FridayNext: You know my bike?
Matt: Intensely. What about it?
FridayNext: I loved that you cleaned it.
Matt: You’re welcome.
FridayNext: But I have muddied it already.
Matt: Well, I can clean it again if you want.
FridayNext: Will you do that for me?
Matt: Sure, sweetie!
FridayNext: Will you do another thing for me?
Matt: Anything!
FridayNext: You need a shower before we eat.
Matt: I’ll think up something really evil to get even with you for this one, hon.
FridayNext: I know. I need to be punished, darling.
Matt: Shut up.
FridayNext: No, I mean it. Punishment is good.

Matt giggles on his way into the bathroom. FridayNext smiles to herself and looks sheepish when Spidey comes into the living room.

Spidey: Somehow you ruined it, didn’t you?
FridayNext: This is what I do. I’m sorry. He’s not a bastard, and he doesn’t ignore me. I can’t love somebody like that.
Spidey: You’re insane!
FridayNext: I know. Is dinner ready?