The Adventures of FridayNext and UniCorn, Part II - The Directions of MissC

They trotted along winding their way down the path; they looked back once in a while only to find the path had disappeared behind them.

UniCorn: Hey Friday, have you been in many woods?
FridayNext: *walking ahead of UniCorn* Huh?
UniCorn: Have you been in many woods? I mean, paths don’t just disappear, do they?
FridayNext: Er, I guess not. I grant you it’s weird, but…

But FridayNext never finished her sentence.

UniCorn: Watch out!
FridayNext: What!?
UniCorn: DUCK!
FridayNext: Where? What? … OUCH!

FridayNext found herself lying in a bush, UniCorn sprawled on top of her.

FridayNext: You freaking tackled me! Are you insane?!
UniCorn: Didn’t you see it? It was headed right for you *struggling to get disentangled by FridayNext and the bush*
FridayNext: *slightly sarcastic* A duck was heading for my head?
UniCorn: What?
FridayNext: You yelled ‘duck’…
UniCorn: Sherlock, I meant “get down”
FridayNext: Oh, right *took UniCorn’s hand and got out of the bush*
UniCorn: So you didn’t see it?
FridayNext: No ducks, no nothing
UniCorn: It had wings
FridayNext: *Brushing leaves off her clothes* Birds usually do
UniCorn: It wasn’t a bird; it was big and had four legs – the size of a rabbit or maybe a cat… with wings…
FridayNext: Ah, and that is just what you would expect flying around in the forest
UniCorn: Shut up, I swear I saw it!
FridayNext: Like when you saw the ghost in your apartment and it turned out to just be the voices inside your head
UniCorn: *pouting* Zip it if you don’t believe me

UniCorn continued pouting as they walked on. The woods seemed to grow thicker by the minute and soon there was no sunlight there to warm them.

UniCorn: I’m freezing
FridayNext: *comfortable in her sweater* Somebody should have worn a sweater
UniCorn: Shut up

All of a sudden, FridayNext spots something in a clearing a little further down the path. She stops dead in her tracks.

FridayNext: *mouth hanging open* I just saw it
UniCorn: The meaning of life?
FridayNext: No, the thing with wings
UniCorn: *gazing in the direction that FridayNext is staring* Ha! Told you so

They hurried on to the clearing, but the creature was nowhere to be seen. They had almost given up seeing it again when all of a sudden…

Voice: Hi there
UniCorn: Huh?
FridayNext: Huh?
Voice: Up here

The voice seemed to come from up a tree. UniCorn and FridayNext both stared up through the leaves, but could not see anything.

FridayNext: Who’s there?
UniCorn: I can’t see a darn thing…
Voice: Hihi… that’s because I’m invisible, stupid
UniCorn: Wha’
Voice: My name is Miss C
UniCorn: Right… and you’re what? A raving lunatic sitting in a tree pretending to be invisible…?
FridayNext: *hissing to UniCorn while staring into the tree* Sssh! Let her speak
MissC: You should listen to your friend, UniCorn. FridayNext always knows best.
FridayNext: Ha!
UniCorn: How do you know our names?
MissC: What I know and how I know it is not important. What is important is the directions that I can give you. Directions towards the thing you seek.
UniCorn: Raving lunatic, I tell you
FridayNext: *completely ignoring UniCorn* What do you mean ‘the thing we seek’?
MissC: *completely ignoring FridayNext’s question* If you continue down the path and take a right when you’ve crossed the stream, something or someone will show you the next step along your journey. I have had it all arranged for you.
UniCorn: What, as in ‘you knew we were coming’?
MissC: Of course. I called your unconscious with my purr.
UniCorn: Right, sure, whatever
FridayNext: I feel like I know you
MissC: Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ll find out in the end. Run along then.
UniCorn: Why in the world should we do as you say?
FridayNext: Be nice! Can you tell us more, MissC?

But MissC was gone – or at least quietly hiding in the tree. The two friends stood in the clearing staring first up the tree and then at each other for a long time.

FridayNext: *staring imploringly at UniCorn* Pleeeaaase
UniCorn: *exasperated* Oh, fine then. Let’s get going.

And on the two friends went – now determined to follow MissC’s directions towards the thing they seek – whatever it may be.

Stay tuned for Part III of
The Adventures of FridayNext and UniCorn
Written by UniCorn

New Offices

FridayNext: Pardon, do you have a room with a view?
Concierge: Any specific view you would like?
FridayNext: J-Man and his deeelish teeth!
Concierge: *baffled, disoriented and not at all amused*

We moved offices last week. First we packed and packed and packed. And then we unpacked and unpacked and unpacked.

UniCorn: My office is bigger than yours! Hah hah!
FridayNext: Size is irrelevant!
UniCorn: You wish, honey!
FridayNext: You’re so mean to me.
UniCorn: And you love it!
FridayNext: Yeah, I do. Unfortunately.

Her office is way bigger than mine. It’s humongous – but she shares it with a….trainee! Hah hah, back at you! I have my own office. With two windows and not a view to J-Man’s teeth. Aaaooouuggghhhh!

UniCorn: You wouldn’t get anything done if he sat opposite you.
FridayNext: Because…
UniCorn: …he’s dreamy and has eyes and hands and teeth. You’re repeating yourself.

SILENCE

UniCorn: You can come visit me in my office!
FridayNext: What? Are you hitting on me?
UniCorn: Yes.
FridayNext: FINALLY! I’ve been longing for this moment like for EVAH!

And then she does this thing with her mouth. With her two front teeth, she bites down on her lower lip, sucks in air and releases the front teeth. It’s a popping sound. Not quite like popcorn in a micro oven, but close. She looks absolutely ridiculous. But it’s a great sound.

FridayNext: What time is it?
UniCorn: 100
FridayNext: Which makes perfect sense….OH OH! Do you remember this one: WHAT TIME IS LOVE?
UniCorn: What?
FridayNext: What time is love, and then some techno sounds, or scratching sounds or whatever.
UniCorn: How OLD are you?
FridayNext: Shut up. It was an alright tune.
UniCorn: *giggles* Tune!
FridayNext: Or this one…Words…..don’t come easy…That was the lamest ever!
UniCorn: Mute! Mute! Mute! What the hell is wrong with you today?
FridayNext: I’m bored out of my skull. J-Man is waaaay too busy to email me…
UniCorn: Busy….yeah, that’s his cover story…
FridayNext: and Ace ignores me – can you believe it?
UniCorn: Hello?
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: Tomorrow, right?
FridayNext: Hmmm
UniCorn: We’re going on a…
In UniSon: ROAD TRIP!

That’s right. We’re taking the day off from the offices and we’re going on a Thelma & Louise less the bad hair day/week/year and gun(s) and jealous boyfriend(s) ROAD TRIP. We’re effing-off in UniCorn’s kick-ass car – it’s red, red, red – and we’re gonna need our passports because we’re going ABROAD.

Oh the excitement is building! We’ll get up bright and early and pack the car and put TravellingChick in the trunk and then it’s offffffffff. We’ll sing and scream and go “oh my god did you see him?!” That’s when we pass J-Man’s office and I toot the horn and I’m sure that I can see a shadow that resembles him, slightly, if I wear my night vision goggles.

If UniCorn remembers her camera, we’ll post pictures of the very real world soon.

But apparently it’s 100 o’clock and that’s my cue to go bye. So…bye.

Moping Going Gluey

Today has been awful. It’s been the worst day in the history of time. At least for me. FridayNext and my not-so-fabulous life. You know when you meet people and they go…

Oh then I did this and then I did that, and then my hunky boyfriend just - out of the blue - came by and kissed me all over – in public – and then he brought me this (surely crap but at least he thought about his girlfriend along the way) whatever present and isn’t he just dreamy?

BITCH

Yeah, he’s dreamy. And he probably loves sushi as well. And come to think of it, he has teeth and eyes and hands, etc. Like all the other men that are already taken. As boyfriends or husbands or both.

Everybody else’s life always sounds pretty darn exciting and fab and extremely interesting. Is it just mine that sucks? Not always, not all the time. Just….at the moment? And these people can make anything they do sound f-ing interesting.

So then I went to the supermarket and there it was: a packet of … and I decided to buy 3 of them and then I realised that there was a discount so I actually saved tonnes of money.

This is a story that I would never spend time rehashing to my friends. Okay, I’ve just done it here, but blogs ask for this kind of behaviour. So you got a discount and now you have to live off that one food group for weeks! No, of course you won’t because you have your deeelish boyfriend and of course he’ll come over every evening so you can serve him the same kind of food over and over and over – and still he’ll love you and think you absolutely adorable and thin and thin and thin and thin and funny and gorgeous and thin and he’ll love you for just the person that you are. No more, no less.

Wait….

Had to throw up. Back on track now, I think. Must have been the pound of chocolate I gulfed down after work. And the two bags of crisps. And the cookie.

So glue.

It’s inevitable to think about glue when life sucks major time. It’s a theory of mine. There are two variants of glue.

Super glue. We all like that. We use it when we want something to last a lifetime. Then there’s the glue stick. You use it for whatever project that isn’t too important. Need to glue two pieces of paper together for some creative craft? Use glue stick.

Combine glue and people.

You meet lots of people in a life time. Some are fun and friendly and amazing and have hands, teeth and eyes, and some are…not although they have hands, teeth and eyes.

One day you meet UniCorn and you immediately locate the super glue because she sure is amazing in all the right ways and you want to stay close to her for life because she’s that funny/hilarious/mature/childish/adult/tall/amazingly redheaded/extremely patient with you/me. Not to mention her fab cleavage.

And in this case it works. You realise that she is on the same page as you when you feel something sticky on the right side of your body and you look down and you’re covered in super glue. In her hand is a used up tube of super glue and she smiles that cunning smile of hers and then she nods and says maaaah haaaaah, and you look at her all sheepish and then you unearth the entire room until you find your tube of super glue and speedier than evaaaaah you glue up her left side and voila. You’re glued together and it feels great and good and natural and honey, this is for life. Boyfriends, lovers, husbands, wives, children, family – they come and go, but we stick together for life. Nothing is going to tear us apart, darling.

In a very non sexual and anti brokeback manner. Of course. Because we’re just not that gay. Honey.

All is good. We all have good days and bad days. Super glue or no super glue. So life continues and you don’t think too much about it. Isn’t that what life is all about? It just happens and usually it’s not too absurd or adventurous or exciting. It’s just – routine upon routine and then a titbit you share with your UniCorn. In our case it’s usually going on a rollercoaster and screaming the loudest downhill. And then discussing who screamed the loudest.

One day. And it’s bound to happen. One day when you least expect it. It can be on the train to work, it can be at a boring business meeting, it can be in the local deli – it will happen. If it happened to me, it will surely happen to you.

One day, you are struck by lightening. A BillionMillion volts of pain and pleasure explode through your veins and you think you’re going to die. In front of you is this person, the person you hadn’t noticed before. It can be a woman, it can be a man. It’s not important. The person has super glue written all over the forehead. You are ready to bond for life, to take out a fourth mortgage if this person asks you to, anything for this person.

You wave your tube of super glue in the air.

No reaction.

You smile.
You joke.
You flirt.
You even try and show cleavage if you have one.

No reaction

One morning, very early in the day. You haven’t slept properly for two months. You decide today is the day.
You explain.
In writing.
There are two variants of glue. Super glue: the best. Glue stick: okay for paper, not for important stuff.

No reaction.

You elaborate:
Sometimes you meet people to whom you wish to stay super glued.

No reaction.

And then you need to realise that this person is either rather slow – although probably not the case since you don’t normally fall head over super glue with slow people – or simply….

Not interested.

How painful is that?

Even though you have UniCorn by your side.

Even though you have CodeCruncherGirl in your life and she’s the best backup for whichever problem and she is so full of surprises that you never get bored.

Even though you have TravellingChick in your life with whom you can discuss Jake and his hair and his body…chest...intellect! And you know you’re gonna miss her like crazy when she goes on her 9 months world tour.

When did I get greedy?

Peephole

There’s a very neat office downtown. It’s close to the best sushi restaurant in town, the metro and the waterfront. Rent is prohibitive expensive. This is where trendy people live, work and breathe. They’re smart and follow fashion to the point.

It’s 10.30 am.

It’s Monday.

Ace: Morning
J-Man: Morning

They are too busy to take a week off although everybody else is taking time off to go to the beach, rent a cottage or just laze about in bed all day. They turn on their macs.

J-Man’s email programme, 78 new messages. One third is from FridayNext. He doesn’t utter a word. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t wince. One by one, he reads them and archives them in the FridayNext folder he’s made.

It’s been 3 months since she was allowed to email him directly and already the folder takes up 7 mega bytes.

Excerpts:

Hi J-Man
Are you busy?
Are you busy?
Are you busy?
High 5
Friday

Or:

J-Man J-Man J-Man J-Man
The sun’s out! Toasty!
Friday

12.00.

First word since 10.30:
Ace: I need nicotine.
J-Man: Right.

1.00 pm

They break for lunch.

1.30 pm

Back to work

2.30 pm

J-Man: *clears his throat*
Silence
J-Man: Have you heard from FridayNext?
Ace: Constantly.
J-Man: Right.
Ace: I need nicotine.

4.00 pm

J-Man: I’ve made the final adjustments for one of Friday’s covers.
Ace: Mmm.
J-Man: Has she ever texted you?
Ace: *looks up* No
J-Man: Right.

5.30 pm

Ace: Close down for today?
J-Man: Yep. Oh…
Ace: What?
J-Man: Got another text from Friday.
Ace: Right.

A day at the office...

7.40

FridayNext crashes into the offices - no one's there yet. She pops her head into UniCorn's office. UniCorn is temping for the second week. Ten weeks to go.

FridayNext: Aaaaaoooouuuuuggggghhhhhhh

FridayNext: Where's everybody

FridayNext: Or more importantly: where's Uni?!

FridayNext: Come to work already!

FridayNext: Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

8.01

UniCorn swaggers into the offices, looking cool, calm and collected - as usual

UniCorn: Howdy darling

FridayNext: Where were you?! I've been waiting for like HOURS

UniCorn: 'Scuse me but I'm right on time!

FridayNext: But I took a shortcut and then I got lost and you were not here and here I was and I was all over...

UniCorn: Whoa! Sit. SIT! From the beginning please.

FridayNext: *sighing* I got lost.

UniCorn: How? You've driven that way five times already. Are we feeling mentally challenged today?

FridayNext: *sucking in air loudly* You're so mean!

UniCorn: *smiling her most devilish smile and raising her eyebrows*

FridayNext: Oh....

UniCorn: Maaaah haaaaah!

SILENCE

UniCorn: Bring it! Tell me. Spill the beans....vomit....EWWWWWW!

FridayNext: Right. Puke aside, I'm driving on my bike and then the bike goes: hey, wanna take a shortcut, and I'm like: god yeah, and it says, so turn right and I like...y'know...do that and it all goes smoooooooooooooth and way hey, it's all cooking for me.

UniCorn: Right. So moving on?

FridayNext: And then the road diverges - and spookily enough, I'm actually partly in a wood (maaah haaah, you won't get this unless you're a big Robert Frost fan) - and there's the road ahead of me and then there's the path to the left of me and...

UniCorn: GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!

FridayNext: Shesh....testy! Everybody follows the road ahead. Which do I choose? The one to the left!

UniCorn: Are you mental? For real, I mean!

FridayNext: But it was what my brain told me...

UniCorn: I'm not even gonna comment on that one, hon!

FridayNext: Aauuuoogghhh! So I go on for like 10 minutes and I realise that...oh, I'm lost...

UniCorn: *mumbling* On so many levels....

FridayNext: And I had to stop and take out my map and you know how I hate that!

UniCorn: Because people are of course...here we go again...

FridayNext: They are looking at me all funny. They are! I swear, they do!

UniCorn: Friday....

FridayNext: Yeah?

UniCorn: Or let me put it this way - and you'll like the sound of this. Excuse me, I just need a moment to myself, alright, here it comes, are you ready?

FridayNext: Ready and bursting!

UniCorn: Right: Fffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!

SILENCE

UniCorn: J-Man style, wasn't it? It's his nickname for you, right?

FridayNext: Shut up!

8.45

UniCorn struts into FridayNext's office

UniCorn: What are you doing, are you busy, what are you doing, are you busy busy busy?

FridayNext: *head first on her keyboard, computer humming* Oh god, she's on a sugar rush and it's not even 9!

UniCorn: What's happened?! Are you alright?

FridayNext: He emailed me.

UniCorn: As he should because he has a cover for you, right?

FridayNext: Yeah, but he's so dreamy...

UniCorn: I know. I think he's dreamy and I haven't even met him. Why don't you stalk him a bit to get it out of your system.

FridayNext: Okay!

10.09

Noises are coming from FridayNext's office.

UniCorn peaks around the corner.

UniCorn: Whatcha doing?

FridayNext: *bangs the receiver repeatedly on the desktop* Wha'?

UniCorn: You are a bit noisy even for you.

FridayNext: Stupid stupid stupid!

UniCorn: I'll stay out of it!

12.00

LUNCH

A lot of munching is going on

1.30

A very important meeting!

Notes from the meeting:

2.30

TheBoss realises how ineffective we've been all day.

He waves his arms in distress. Sort of like this:

And then he chuckles on his way back to his office.

Because...

It's summer and not a lot is going on in the offices today

Tales of Friendship Part I - FridayNext to the Rescue

Riing

Riiiinggg

Riiiiiiiiiiiing

UniCorn: *picks up the darn phone – panting* What?
FridayNext: What yourself – what kind of way is that to pick up a phone anyway?
UniCorn: I’m in the middle of something *still panting*
FridayNext: A marathon?
UniCorn: Of course – ‘cause that’s the sort of thing I do, right.
FridayNext: Then what are you doing?
UniCorn: Exercising
FridayNext: Why?
UniCorn: Why what?
FridayNext: Why are you exercising – as you said, it’s not something you do…?
UniCorn: I’m gonna get thin of course
FridayNext: uuhm…why? You’re fab as you are
UniCorn: Thanks, hon, you too. But ChessBoy has been hanging out at University all day. With a certain girl – let’s call her B for Bit…
FridayNext: Yeah, ok, I get your point.
UniCorn: Right, so that’s fine by me. But then he just casually tells me that she has a website – well, her boyfriend made it for them both.
FridayNext: Right, get to the thin part already…
UniCorn: It’s coming right up. He asks me if I want to see it – and I say “Sure, why not” – but inside I’m screaming “BRING IT!”. So we go online and there she is!
FridayNext: …
UniCorn: She’s tiny, and blond, and tanned, and thin, and pretty, and thin!!
FridayNext: Sooo?
UniCorn: And that’s not the worst part… are you ready for this?
FridayNext: I’m so excited I’m jumping up and down
UniCorn: Then I see it: a menu that says “B’s belly” or something. I say: “Click it, click it”… and there she is in a bikini on the beach – blond and tanned and thin. Thin!
FridayNext: So what? Didn’t you say she has a boyfriend?
UniCorn: Yes, but she’s thin and I can’t compete with that.
FridayNext: But ChessBoy’s with you, right. He chose you.
UniCorn: Yeah, but
FridayNext: And he thinks you’re fab and awesome just the way you are, right.
UniCorn: I guess, but
FridayNext: So there’s nothing to worry about
UniCorn: …
FridayNext: I know there’s nothing to worry about
UniCorn: …
FridayNext: Hey! You there?
UniCorn: Yeah…. But she’s thin.
FridayNext: Screw thin – men want women not matchstick men – well, most do anyway
UniCorn: What? Are you going Brokeback now?
FridayNext: You know what I mean.
UniCorn: Yeah. Thanks Friday, you’re a peach.
FridayNext: I know
UniCorn: Why did you call me anyway?
FridayNext: I felt your fuses blowing all the way over here – guess that was when you saw that picture. No, seriously … I forgot.

“It is a sweet thing, friendship, a dear balm,a happy and auspicious bird of calm”

In the KITCHEN with...

Only one day behind schedule, we’re welcoming you into our kitchen…

UniCorn: *sulking* If you hadn’t burnt down my kitchen yesterday, we would have been on time.
FridayNext: I said I was sorry.

… and today we will give you some basic tricks on how to make a simple meal fabulous.

UniCorn: So we’re cooking together today.
FridayNext: Oh darrrrrling!
UniCorn: Enough with the sexual references. We’re in a clean kitchen. Well…cleanish. Have you ever mobbed the floor? Something feels sticky.
FridayNext: I’ve only lived here 5 months. It doesn’t need cleaning yet.
UniCorn: You’re a slob!
FridayNext: Do you want me to clean it right now?
UniCorn: Well….
FridayNext: *interrupting* The fire fighters were kinda cute…
UniCorn: Your libido is in overdrive. Can you hand me the groceries, please?
FridayNext: What are we cooking?
UniCorn: What do you like the most in the entire world?
FridayNext: J-Man! Or Ace! Or Jake. Oooooh, Jake! Jake indeed. But J-Man has teeth…
UniCorn: *sighing* Yeah, unlike Jake Gyllenhaal, J-Man has teeth. I’m putting you on mute for a bit. You’re all over the place!
FridayNext: On this sticky floor? Never.

In UniSon: EEEWWWW!

UniCorn: Now, groceries. Let’s see. I have…RICE.
FridayNext: Aaaahhhhh!
UniCorn: And…SOY SAUCE!
FridayNext: SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI!
UniCorn: No…
FridayNext: We’ll make sushi! A little bit of fish in my mouth, munch munch munch

UniCorn: We’re not making sushi!
FridayNext: Oh…
UniCorn: I’m exhausted. Are you usually this high maintenance?
FridayNext: Yes…
UniCorn: Pour me something to drink and then find a pot.
FridayNext: Are we drinking alcohol or just soda?
UniCorn: What time is it?
FridayNext: It’s probably late enough for a drink somewhere.
UniCorn: Mix me a Cosmo then.

FridayNext: Right. I must have forgotten to take that bartending course you wished for. I can pour you something straight up or…
UniCorn: Give me a soda!
FridayNext: *mumbling* Meeeeeow.
UniCorn: Sorry?
FridayNext: Here’s your soda and here’s the pot.
UniCorn: First we cook some rice.
FridayNext: Right. How much?
UniCorn: For two persons…
FridayNext: A couple of handfuls and add some water and on the stove and done.
UniCorn: You need to measure the rice and then the water, properly!
FridayNext: Why?
UniCorn: You’ll screw it up!
FridayNext: No…
UniCorn: Give me that! I’ll do it myself! Go and lay the table instead.

FridayNext: We’re sitting in the WestWing tonight.
UniCorn: Okay. Water’s boiling, and I’ve measured the rice. Pour it in and then…are you safe with a knife?
FridayNext: *snorting* Sure. What should I chop?
UniCorn: Veggies. I brought some the other day, so unless you’ve eaten them they’re still in the fridge.

SILENCE

In UniSon: HA HA HA HA!
FridayNext: Good one.
UniCorn: I know! You eating veggies on your own…what was I thinking!

FridayNext: Alright – chopping as if life depended on it.
UniCorn: The rice is almost done – great stove you've got. It only takes like seconds!
FridayNext: Yeah, brilliant, isn’t it?

UniCorn: I’ll just…
FridayNext: Should I help?
UniCorn: You need to get out of my way…
FridayNext: But if I can just reach across your right arm…
UniCorn: Don’t!
FridayNext: …then I can take…
UniCorn: NO!
FridayNext: Oh, you dropped half the rice on the floor.
UniCorn: NOOOOO!
FridayNext: Was that on purpose?
UniCorn: I’m gonna kill you!
FridayNext: But I just wanted to help you!
UniCorn: I told you not to.
FridayNext: Your voice is a bit shrill now.
UniCorn: YOU THINK?

SILENCE

FridayNext: I’ll get my VISA…
UniCorn: Good idea.
FridayNext: And then we’ll find a restaurant…
UniCorn: Great.
FridayNext: …and it’s on me...
UniCorn: You bet it is!
FridayNext: …and you can order as much as you wish.
UniCorn: Sounds great. Move!
FridayNext: Who’s doing the dishes?
UniCorn: Who do you think?
FridayNext: Oh.

BUSY

It’s trendy to be busy. Busy busy busy.

Everybody is busy. At least everybody we know. Busy with work. They're way too caught up in projects and stuff. Whether they're friends, business partners or just people in the hall. They’re doing their bits to keep society up and running. Sounds awfully boring.

So we pretend to be busy as well. We avoid blogging. Because trendy people with blogs and jobs – they don’t blog when they work on a big project to gazillions of whatever currency they bill their customers.

That’s why we’ve been quiet for days. Days and days. A week, in fact. Just to let everybody believe that we’re as trendy as the next person and we just don’t have time to update y’all on what goes on in our busy lives.

CodeCruncherGirl is busy with her own company. It’s a fast growing business and when she goes,
I don’t like this or that
people go
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and then she usually gets her way. She’s the coolest cat and she’s a mean negotiator. You don’t want to get in her way. For a size 0 she’s very intimidating. In a very nice way when you’re not at the receiving end. We like her for her morbid sense of humour and amazing skills to assemble itsy-bitsy tiny stuff. And whichever model that LEGO puts on the market.

TravellingChick is also extremely busy with waving goodbye to business partners, co-workers and friends. She used to be TheBookKeeperGirl, but recently she changed her name. In less than a month she’ll start her 9 months world tour that’ll take her to exotic places far away from us and she’s promised that she won’t send us one single postcard. That’s how much she loves us. She’ll keep us posted on her personalised blog – we’ll link to that when she gets it up and running. Should be a lot of fun to hear about the Galapagos Islands for a start. We’ll insist on seeing pictures. Just in case she’s fooling us all and is staying home in hiding for 9 months.

We’re not going anywhere, though. We’re staying put. And we don’t have a successful company that demands all our attention. Heck, we’re not even going away on holiday this year.

UniCorn: Because we’re broke.
FridayNext: And this time it’s not back.
UniCorn: Mah hah – that’s a very old joke now.
FridayNext: Oh, zorry. So you’re saying that I’m recycling my jokes now?
UniCorn: A bit touchy today, are we?
FridayNext: I want to be busy as well.
UniCorn: Doing what?
FridayNext: Dunno. Something exciting.
UniCorn: Hey, great idea ahoy!
FridayNext: *snort* Where is that?
UniCorn: Right here, under our very own noses!
FridayNext: ????????????????
UniCorn: All successful people have…
FridayNext: What? Lost their marbles?
UniCorn: Come on! Work with me here! They have their own…come on!
FridayNext: You’re driving me nuts! Just say it!
UniCorn: Cooking programme! On telly. They either design crap houses or cook food.
FridayNext: Right, bedtime for you, I think.
UniCorn: So what we should do is something about cooking. Here.
FridayNext: You and me – in an imaginary kitchen?
UniCorn: Y’know what? Perhaps J-Man and Ace like…
FridayNext: God yeah, they eat food! Oh, oh! Way hey, I’m so in. What are we going to cook?
UniCorn: I’ll reveal all tomorrow.
FridayNext: But….
UniCorn: TOMORROW!
FridayNext: Shesh…

So tomorrow, it’s time to find your pots and pans and lots of butter…

UniCorn: NO BUTTER.
FridayNext: So we’re being healthy now?
UniCorn: Let’s at least fake it for now, alright?
FridayNext: Alrighty then, hon.

More to come…

More About...UniCorn

Sometimes people come up to me and they say...you know UniCorn - what's she like? And I go...oh, you know, like everybody, really. Right, they say. And walk away. Not at all aware that I have been lying through my teeth. As if I'm gonna share my best friend with just anyone.

But for the incrowd, here are some of the facts you've been dying to know...

Full name
Amazing UniCorn

Nationality
Virtual and actual

Wits
Yes, lots

Favourite drink
I’ve never met a cosmo that I didn’t like
But she’s been seen hanging out with all kinds of alcohol except for beer
Please, I have some standards

Personal Quotes
Those are not real!
I’ve felt fake ones and they’re…not like mine
That rollercoaster won’t make you puke. I promise!
Take off the freakin’ sandals if you have sand in them!
Warn me if I show too much cleavage
You can sleep on the balcony!

Favourite films
The Lion King, quote by quote
Hardcore horror flicks

Trademarks
Cleavage to die for
Tall in the most tasteful manner
Long red hair

Favourite things about UniCorn
Deep breath, Friday. Then we’ll conquer anything, together
Sure I can carry you on my shoulders. No sweat!
Cleavage – am I supposed to say that out loud? I’m not gay, y’know…

The Only Horrible Thing about UniCorn
Ha ha, you’re so short!

Will be updated on a regular basis

The Adventures of FridayNext and UniCorn, Part I - The Road Less Travelled By

Once upon a time there were two friends called FridayNext and UniCorn. They were going about their lives wondering if nothing really exciting was ever going to happen in their lives.

One day on a day like any other, they decided to go for a ride on their bikes. FridayNext had gotten a new fancy bike and was anxious to try it out. They drove along talking and laughing, and FridayNext was leading the way. All of a sudden, she sees a little path that she never noticed before…

UniCorn: …and then I was like…
FridayNext: TURN RIGHT!
UniCorn: What? Shit!
FridayNext: Wooaa – watch out!
***CRASH!***
UniCorn: Crap!
FridayNext: *laughing hysterically, but still standing* Where did you go?
UniCorn: *from a nearby bush* Shut up and get me out of here

When UniCorn got out of the bush, she realized that the wheel of her bike had been broken in the crash. They briefly considered placing UniCorn on the back of FridayNext’s bike, but opted against it.

FridayNext: What do you mean you don’t want to?
UniCorn: I’ll scrape my knees because you’re so short and your bikes so tiny
FridayNext: Why are you always so mean to me?
UniCorn: Relax, I know size can be daunting, but I love you

They left their bikes by the side of the path and decided to walk instead. Walking down the path, FridayNext realized that she didn’t recognize anything. As they went on, the path almost disappeared and the trees seemed to narrow around them shutting out the sunlight with their dense crowns. They walked for a while in silence, taking care not to stumble on the roots.

UniCorn: Where are we going?
FridayNext: I don’t know – I’ve never been here before
UniCorn: How reassuring – does that mean that we are lost?
FridayNext: Of course not, we can always follow the path back

At that moment, they both looked back and to their amazement saw that there were no path behind them, only trees and bushes.

FridayNext: Erhm, right, so that means we are lost
UniCorn: Great, Friday. Really great
FridayNext: Come on, we are bound to hit a road at some point, it’s not like we’re in the middle of some fairytale forest or anything
UniCorn: Good, ‘cause I don’t do nature – I’m a city girl all the way

Little did they know that when they decided to turn down that path, it would be the beginning of an adventure unlike any other.

Stay tuned for Part II of

The Adventures of FridayNext and UniCorn

Written by UniCorn

Summertime

In our hemisphere it’s summer. Hard to fathom if you look out my window. It’s raining. Again. And it’s never men, I can tell you that.

Summer means…HOLIDAY. It’s vacation (another word for the same thing, whoever invented thesaurus?) time and in some countries people have oodles of time off. Scandinavians: three weeks. Nope, I’m not kidding. It’s not unusual for Scandinavians to go byeeeeeeeeee at work and sod off for 3 weeks. And still getting paid. They mosey about in a very unproductive manner and moan about the bad weather they’re having. But let’s face it, if you have 3 weeks paid holiday you can’t complain about the weather…of course you can!

Now, three weeks…what to do, what to do. You can laze about. Niiice. You can spend time with your family (overrated, granted, but nonetheless it’s what some choose to do). Or you can redecorate if you’re insane, bored beyond belief and/or too rich to know what to do with your money.

The cheap alternative is…

STALKING

All in good taste, naturally.

First, choose your subject. To maintain interest in the task for more than 2-3 days, you need to find a subject that’s within reach. And yet on a completely different social level so that you will never ever get a chance to gag, bound and drag him home and chain him to your bed.

Second, you should make up your mind what kind of stalker you wanna be.

The Insane and Uncompromising Type:
You need to buy a pair of SUV like trainers for this – expensive, expensive, expensive. You’ll be living rough. Tracking, tracing, hiding, starving. Out there, in all sorts of weather.

The Lazy Type:
Stalk by email. It’s fast, comfortable and you don’t need any equipment apart from your email address, your broadband (come on, everybody has broadband these days, anyway, right?) and the subject’s email address. This is why it’s important to choose a subject within reach.

If you’re a bit like me, you’ll go for Stalk by Email. I’m as lazy as they come. Luck will have it that I have already found a matching subject, I have broadband and an email address and more importantly: I know his email address.

UniCorn: What are you doing?
FridayNext: Hey, I didn’t see you sneak up on me!
UniCorn: Not sneaking – do you like my new trainers? – just wondering what you’re up to. You’ve been quiet for some time. Very unlike you.
FridayNext: Nothing, really. Just….hanging out.
UniCorn: Oh, honey. That’s a nasty twitch you got there. Your right eye is jumping all over the place.
FridayNext: Really? Hadn’t noticed.
Silence.
FridayNext: Will you be leaving…
UniCorn: on a jet plane? No, don’t think so. Like to hang out a bit.
FridayNext: Oh.
UniCorn: Look, I know what you’re up to. The cat’s out of the bag.
FridayNext: Meow?
UniCorn: Not cute, sweetie. You need to let him go.
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: Let him go. If he’s not interested in you, let him go. He doesn’t deserve you. You’re so much better than that. And don’t look at me that way. I’m serious.
FridayNext: He likes me! He just doesn’t know it. Yet.
UniCorn: Sweetie…
FridayNext: Stop sweet talking me.
UniCorn: Fact: he’s got a girlfriend
FridayNext: Right, so he’s not gay. That’s a start.
UniCorn: I’m sure that he won’t leave her. And if he did, you don’t want a man like that
FridayNext: But he’s got eyes
UniCorn: I know…
FridayNext: and hands
UniCorn: Right
FridayNext: and teeth – he’s got TEETH, Uni. Teeth.
UniCorn: Y’know, most men have all these features…
FridayNext: He gave me a nickname. That’s something!
UniCorn: *sighing* He called you Frrrrrrrrrriiiiidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. It’s not really a nickname. It means…
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: Well…
FridayNext: WHAT?
UniCorn: It means that he’s about to lose it and if you go on, soon you’ll be able to spell restraining order.

OUCH!

FridayNext: Okay.
UniCorn: You’re alright?
FridayNext: I’m fine.
UniCorn: I’m sorry, sweetie.
FridayNext: I know.
UniCorn: Wanna hang out?
FridayNext: Erm…no. I’m okay. I just….I just need some time on my own.
UniCorn: Okay. Text me?
FridayNext: Sure. Always.

And she’s out the door as quietly as she came in. I need to change the locks. I should never have given her a set of keys.

Lesson 1:
The first email:
Dear Mr. J-Man. Do you remember me from a meeting two months ago? You came over with Mr. Ace to discuss design strategies and I may have bombarded you with questions about…

It’s important that you keep a light tone of voice. If you can pretend to be blondish and chesty it can only help you to come closer to your subject. Especially if your subject is a man.

The good, the great and the... gay

Introducing At the photo shoot starring Wentworth Miller aka Michael Scofield - and a perhaps not so straight photographer.


Photographer: So, Mr. Miller, are you ready to do some shooting?
Wentworth: Aaah, sure. What do you want me to do?
Photographer: Well, just sit there on the couch
Wentworth: I am on the couch already
Photographer: Oh, right. Then just take off your shoes, slam those footies on the table and act like you own it all...
Wentworth: Like this?
Photographer: Yeah, nice. But a little more cleavage... here, let me do it... that's it...


Wentworth: Okay... *slightly uncomfortable* ... what next?
Photographer: Now go shave your head, it's such a good look for you
Wentworth: If you say so
...
Wentworth: Done
Photographer: Great, you look awesome. Now grab your head.
Wentworth: *now very uncomfortable* Excuse me?
Photographer: Like... as if you had a headache or something
Wentworth: ... eerhm, right.

Photographer: Great shot!
Wentworth: Thanks, I guess
Photographer: Now get down on your hands and knees
Wentworth: WHAT?
Photographer: On your hands and knees
Wentworth: You must be joking
Photographer: Listen, hot shot, who's the photographer here??
Wentworth: Eemh, you?
Photographer: Right, and I say that to get this great shot you need to be on your hands and knees!
Wentworth: I guess I just don't see the point.
Photographer: You don't have to see the point as long as I do...
Wentworth: Alright then...


Note from the author: I guess when I saw this last picture, I just had to make up some story to make it okay... I mean, come on - who poses like that?? ....He's still darn cute though :-)

:o) UniCorn

Imaginary Friends, Part I

Howdy.

Today it's all about people we make up, dream about and on a rare occasion even know personally

The list only has two occupants at the moment. More will move in soon.

Ace

Occupation:
Handsome Partner CEO for internationally renowned and respected soon-to-go-Nasdaq although nameless company

Age:
Young, young, young and yet very distinguished

Trademarks:
Unbelievably cool scar on his forehead, in incredibly sexy taste
Deep dark brown eyes with lashes longer than Mr Jake Gyllenhaal’s
Considerate smoker – the only person on the face of the earth who still looks cool, calm and gorgeous despite blowing smoke out of mouth and nostrils

Superpowers:
Brilliantly intelligent
Connoisseur of references, philosophy, architecture, photography, design, literature, the list is endless

Favourite drink:
Tequila
“Please hold the worm, bartender”

Favourite car:
“As long as it obeys when I turn the key and it has our company logo on the hood, I’m happy”


J-Man

Occupation:
Exceptionally Quiet Kick-Ass Partner CEO for internationally renowned and respected soon-to-go-Nasdaq although nameless company.

Personal Quotes:
“I design, therefore I am”
Mac and iPods melt in his hands; iPhones are already having wet dreams about him
“I can project manage anybody under the table”
– and he’s right!

Trademarks:
Writes palindromes and draws freestyle
The Most Patient Man Who Ever Lived
Larger than life personality in a very quiet way
Connoisseur of music (misc.)

Superpowers:
Eyes that prod you open so you spill your guts about past and present hang-ups, loves, hates, desires, wishes, dreams
Women scream, men gawk, dogs bark and cats purr wherever he shows

Secret Identity:
DJ-Man
There isn’t a turntable he can’t grind to the floor

These guys are partly imaginary, partly real. I think. UniCorn is staring at me. That's not a good sign...oh god, she's gonna send me into next Friday. Maaaaaaaaaaah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!