An Evening with the Girls, Part II

When all the guests have arrived, I show off my hand. They oooh and aaah and feel awfully sorry for me. Just the way I like it. At one point they’re all standing in the kitchen with me gossiping and giggling and I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

FridayNext: You need to leave!
UniCorn: Chill, hon. What she’s trying to say is that we should go into the living room and let the diva calm down.
FridayNext: Exactly.
Guest 1: So how long have you two been married?
FridayNext: Ha ha ha.
UniCorn: Oh it feels like just yesterday that we vowed each other happiness 4 ever, doesn’t it, hon?

And we put on another show of affection and kissing noises and the girls look at us…all weird….but don’t say anything. But heck, we’re funny to be with. So Uni guides them back into the living room and I breathe into a brown paper bag in the kitchen and suddenly I’m back on track and rescue the fish soup from boiling over and the starter is ready.

After the starter, they repeat the pattern I don’t like. They all follow me to the kitchen and hang around as if the living room isn’t too comfy. Once again Uni saves me and drags them back into the dinner table and I bring in the roasted lamb (I’ve turned into a cannibal!) and all the trimmings I could think of. When everybody has been served, the only sound is munching. For tiny girls they sure munch noisily but it’s a lovely sound. It’s what any cook longs to hear after a long day in the kitchen.

Coffee, tea and dessert are served. Uni sits next to me and the other guests cling to each other. For some odd reason.

FridayNext: Oh! What time is it?
UniCorn: Not Brokeback time already?
FridayNext: Shut the frickin’ up, hon.
Guests: *alarmingly quiet*
UniCorn: Almost half past.
FridayNext: I wonder where my neighbour is tonight. He usually puts on Kylie Minogue at this time.
Guest 1: *mockingly* Kylie.
FridayNext: I know. And it’s not any of the recent stuff. We’re talking Locomotion and soon my brain will haemorrhage.
Guest 2: Kylie who?
Silence
FridayNext: It’s a long story…

Matt: I’m freezing!
Spidey: You should have taken the train.
Matt: Let me remind you again why we’re already on our way home…
Spidey: Money.
Matt: No. Lack of money. And tickets cost money.
Spidey: I feel a bit accused here.
Matt: I told you not to turn me upside down on our way to town!
Spidey: I didn’t know you had your wallet in your jeans!
Matt: Where would I have my wallet?
Spidey: Any normal man would have his wallet in his jacket!
Matt: It doesn’t matter! We’re here now. So what do we do? Fri told us not to come home before midnight at least.
Spidey: So we just hang out here for 3+ hours.
Matt: We’re on the staircase, Spidey.
Spidey: At least it’s warmer here than outside.

UniCorn: You’re not singing it right. She sings: do the locomotion with me.
FridayNext: It’s what I sang!
UniCorn: No it wasn’t!
FridayNext: Remember the lame video she did?
UniCorn: No?
FridayNext: I do. I do. I do.
UniCorn: I know the answer to that: You to J-Man in church!
FridayNext: YES! Oh my gawd, wouldn’t he be utterly delish in a wedding outfit?
UniCorn: You think he’d be delish in velvet so you don’t really have any standards.
FridayNext: I think he’s your height. Stand up…
UniCorn: Only if you promise to kiss me.
FridayNext: I do. I do, I do, I do.
UniCorn & FridayNext laugh hysterically and high 5 each other.
Guests: *Abnormally quiet*
FridayNext: You are! Or he is! Same height! At least in my mind. And then she wriggled about in a very silly mini skirt. Was I the only one who saw that video?
UniCorn: You’re the only one present who’s old enough to have seen it aired.
FridayNext: Oh my gawd, Uni! How rude of you! But you’re probably right. Darn.
Guest 2: Can I have some more coffee?
UniCorn: Sure, sweetie. Feel free to help yourself.
FridayNext: Look at my burn. It still hurts!
UniCorn: You’re disabled now.
FridayNext: I am. Must call in sick Monday.

Spidey: It’s best if you stay grounded. I don’t want anymore hiccups tonight.
Matt: But it’s freezing!
Spidey: Since when is the temperature warmer the higher up you get?
Matt: Okay.
Spidey: I’ll climb up, check out what they’re doing and then I come back down.
Matt: Deal.

FridayNext: The Penguin Dance!
UniCorn: I know that one!
FridayNext: You invented it, hon.
UniCorn: Right. Come on.
UniCorn & FridayNext stand in the middle of the living room, dance to imaginary music and wriggle their bottoms. Oddly enough in synch.
UniCorn: Go Friday, Go Friday, Go Friday.
FridayNext: Go Uni, Go Uni, Go Uni.

Spidey: The good news is that they have alienated the guests so it won’t be long until they leave.
Matt: I sense there’s some bad news as well.
Spidey: They’re doing the Penguin Dance. In synch.
Matt: Oh god. As if this day hasn’t been awful enough already.
Spidey: The good news is that the girls have only nibbled from the cake and crisps. So we’re in for a great snack tonight.
Silence
Spidey: Unless we leave Fri and Uni on their own for too long.

FridayNext: Aw, you really have to leave so early?
Guest 1: Yeah, work in two days, you know. And cleaning the house tomorrow. Phew, it’s just too much to take in…
Guest 2: I promised to look in on my mum on my way home…
FridayNext: But you. You don’t have to leave so early, do you?
Guest 3: Ahm…
UniCorn: No, you can stay, right?
Guest 3: I really should be getting home. My husband is waiting for me…
FridayNext: Oh.
Guest 3: I need a taxi.
FridayNext: Right. I’ll call for one.

FridayNext: Hello. I’d like to book a taxi.
FridayNext: What do you mean that you don’t drive in that area?
FridayNext: Oh, I’m sorry. I misunderstood you.
FridayNext: So you have noted the destination?
FridayNext: Oh my gawd, you like DJs?!
FridayNext: You have a great laughter!
FridayNext: How old are you?
UniCorn: What the hell are you doing?!
FridayNext: Hey, you’re my age!
FridayNext: Are you single?
FridayNext: Me too!
FridayNext: Really? A new flat? That sounds great!
FridayNext: When do you get off?
UniCorn: I don’t believe you!
FridayNext: Oh just some friends. I’ll ask them to shut up.
FridayNext: Love your voice.
FridayNext: Well, you can try and call me when you get off.
FridayNext: I don’t sleep at 2 am. I’m up waiting for your call.
FridayNext: You too, hon. Talk to you later. Bye.
UniCorn: Could you get any flirtier?!
FridayNext: He giggled like J-Man. Can you frickin’ believe it? Giggling like J-Man! Oh man, oh man, oh man! And he’s my age. And he likes dj-ing. Ewww. But nice. Still. He sounded great over the phone.
UniCorn: What’s his name?
FridayNext: Dunno.
Guest 3: When will the taxi come?
FridayNext: Oh. I forgot to ask.

Stay tuned for part III, the after party…