It Wasn't Supposed to be ShareWare!

Of course she had to share that incident with the entire world. It’ll be on CNN next. The most embarrassing moment of my life. It’s like when you least expect stuff to happen – then along comes the greatest opportunity and you go…wauw, I’m so gonna pout and accidentally smack my lips into his. Because he’s so dreamy and have you seen those peepers of his? I was this close to having all my dreams come true – and her knees buckle. You need to hit the gym, honey, and stat!

UniCorn: Or you could lose a stone or five…
FridayNext, sucking in air: Huh?
UniCorn: Nothing

We’re close to breaking up. Perhaps we’re not ready to have a blog baby together. She sure didn’t warn me that she’d spill all our secrets on the blog.

Didn’t manage to snatch a comment from Mr Jillanhul...Gylenhol...Gyllunhil...SpiderMan. AH! Tobey Maguire Kirsten Dunst (aaoouuuuggghhhhh!) Thomas Haden Church (woouuuffff, in a very rugged way, although he could have used some lip salve in Spidey 3, maaah haaah), let’s stick to Mr Jake. No offence, but a surname like that should come with a manual and I say this in the sweetest possible way, hon.

And wouldn’t it just be utterly great if life came with a script? You fall in love with a co-worker and you turn to p. 57 and you see that you’re out on a date and this is what happens:

FridayNext: I just love sushi, don’t you?
J-Man: What?
FridayNext: Sushi. It’s delicious, don’t you think?
J-Man: Who are you?
FridayNext, losing my patience: One of your colleagues. You haven’t touched your sushi, don’t you like it?
J-Man: I’m a bit in the darkness here. What’s going on?

Now, for those of you who don’t know J-Man*, this is actually the longest conversation he’s had in years. At least with me. He kicks ass with his mac and he’s…well, his teeth…god, he’s got great teeth, have a thing about teeth…and his hands…

J-Man: Can I go now?
FridayNext: What? You haven’t touched your food. Do you have any idea what this costs?

J-Man stares at me, completely blank and he doesn’t look too happy
So I sigh and rummage through my handbag and find the script.

FridayNext: Page 57. It says here that we’re out on our first date, we’re having sushi and you’re falling for me while I get you drunk on sake…wait a minute! You only fall for me because you’re drunk?!
J-Man: Page 57 is missing in my script and on p. 58 I’m spending the entire weekend with my young and beautiful girlfriend of 5 years, and we have sex in all the rooms of our big house and we don’t eat fish and please, can I go now?

And the best thing about this scenario is that you get to see this particular co-worker e-v-e-r-y day and e-v-e-r-y day you’re reminded that ouch, he’s so not into you.

But it’s okay. You managed to keep your friends entertained for a couple of weeks...er...months because you couldn’t stop talking about his peepers, teeth, hands...

Suddenly the Mr Gyllenhaal incident doesn’t seem too embarrassing.

This post proves the fact that you need more than 4 hours of sleep a night to keep a straight head. At least if you're FridayNext...Cheers.

*J-Man is not in any way related to Mr Gyllenhaal. Well, as far as we know.

Psst....

Hey! Come over here... closer... closer... eeeew, not that close!

On this second day of blogging, I thought it would be appropriate to introduce some eye-candy.

This could have been a likely scenario if FridayNext and myself met this darrrling (in a parallell universe) - we would of course act as ladies and dazzle him with out wits... or?

FridayNext: Aaaarrrgghh... I can't... I can't... I can't see anything
UniCorn: Stop jumping up and down already, people are watching
FridayNext: BUT I CAN'T SEE HIM
UniCorn: That's what you get from being short
FridayNext: Why are you always so mean to me? You promised we would see him...
UniCorn: *sighing* I know, but there's all these people in front of us, what do you want me to do?
FridayNext: Make them go away of course
UniCorn: Yeah, ok, I'll just yell FIRE then and everybody goes away - including him
FridayNext: Hmmmrf! *pouting*
UniCorn: Ok, if you just...
FridayNext: What? Ouch! What are you doing?
UniCorn: Put your foot here and grab that cameraman's head...
FridayNext: You're joking
UniCorn: You wanted to see him or not?
FridayNext: You can't be serious... ouch... wooooaaahh
UniCorn: *struggling* can you see him?
FridayNext (now sitting on UniCorn's shoulders swaying dangerously but waving her arms like crazy none the less): I think I got his attention! Oh my gawd, do you know how cute he is?
Jake: What the....

UniCorn: You know, I think maybe you should get down now
FridayNext: Are you kidding? He's looking right at me!
UniCorn: Maybe this was a bad iiiddddeeeeaaaaah
FridayNext: .....
UniCorn: .....
FridayNext: ... That was so embarrassing
UniCorn: What are we going to do...
FridayNext: Just... just stay still
UniCorn: Not that hard, you're lying on my leg...
FridayNext: If we just lie here for a while... maybe they'll stop laughing...
UniCorn: Maybe...
FridayNext: ...
UniCorn: ...
FridayNext: Still laughing
UniCorn: Yep

And I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Saturday greetings from UniCorn

Day 1

It's late - too late, not enough time for you and me. Honey, darling, pardner, Ennis. Or was it Jack, baby. Enough with the references! Sugar.

So...eating watermelon, driving each other nuts - walnuts or peanuts? Honey, it doesn't matter. They're both deeeeelish. Especially if they're body temperature....maaaah haaaah baaaaaaaaaah.

But seriously, it's the first day of our blog diary - destined to be a blogstar hit. Particularly if anyone out there will ever find a way to our newly designed home.

FridayNext: honey, come back here! Enough with the watermelon and bathroom visits.
UniCorn: no longer bursting, only full of watermelon wishing it was chocolate
FridayNext: oh, chocolate - niiiiiiice!
UniCorn: insert Homer sound
FridayNext:...
UniCorn:....

In other words: silence. From both of us. Oh my God! That's a first! Like, EVER! The pressure, the pressure...

Oh, who are we? That's a good place to start. There's two of us. Or was it one with two personalities? Aaaaooouuuuggggghhhhh! Oh no, the sound, the sound - the trademark sound! Or the sound that will soon be trademarked. As soon as we figure out how the heck we can upload it.

So...who are we...two of us...not same age...there's an age difference, to state the obvious...one fakes it at work full time, one pretends to finish her thesis. Both dead scared of reality, so one is on medication, the other unloads in therapy sessions once a week - should probably be thrice a week, but who can afford that? Reality...what a kooky concept.

FridayNext: do we ever fi
UniCorn: nish off each other's sentences?
FridayNext: never, but
UniCorn: we
FridayNext: easily
UniCorn: could if
FridayNext: we wanted to
UniCorn: but we're not that
FridayNext: nerdy
UniCorn: close, honey. I meant to say close.
FridayNext: aaaooouuugggghhhhhh

What's the point of this blog? To discuss serious academic theories from serious academic theorists.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Or...who do we fancy at the moment, who's hot and who's not, who's too gay to function, and the adventures of FridayNext in a man's world with her drop-dead-gorgeous sidekick UniCorn who is of course spoken for and is currently living vicariously through her best friend. Apparently that's FridayNext...

FridayNext: Oh Honey, you love me!
UniCorn: not quite what I said...
FridayNext: YES YOU DID! In writing and all!
UniCorn:...
FridayNext: oh don't you take that tone with me! You can't take it back now.

So it took us less than five minutes to disagree on something (a very important issue)

FridayNext: I don't have issues! And goddammit you love me!
UniCorn:...
FridayNext, *pouting*
UniCorn, sighing: right, darrrrrling, I love you. For sure.
FridayNext: YES! I knew it! Mega-score!

And on that note, it's time to tuck each other in....ewwwwww.....in a totally non-brokeback way, of course. Nighty-night.