Boys will be Boys

Matt: We will be fine.
Spidey: Yeah, no need to worry about us.
FridayNext: But…
Matt: Honey, you’ll miss the bus.
FridayNext: I guess I should go. I mean, MumNext had a cow when I forgot Mother’s Day…
Spidey: We’ve packed you some lunch.
Matt: Should I walk you to the bus? I can kiss you goodbye before you get on the bus.
FridayNext: No! I prefer to go on my own.
Spidey: Or I can take you. Yeah, it’ll be a lot of fun to finally meet your mum.
FridayNext: I’m leaving! There’s some food in the fridge. See you tomorrow guys.
Matt: Kiss kiss!
FridayNext: *sending Matt a polite but distanced smile* Yeah. See you.

She’s out the door and the guys high five each other. Spidey leaves for the living room and turns on the telly, but Matt is frozen for a few seconds behind the closed front door, not really sure if it feels that okay that FridayNext left after all.

Spidey: *yelling to Matt in the hallway* Do we have any plans?
Matt: *answering on his way into the living room* Nope. The entire day at our own disposal.
Silence
Spidey: For some odd reason I’m bored already.
Matt: Ditto.
Spidey: So…
Matt: So…
Spidey: When we’re bored, we…
Matt: Usually drink too much.
Spidey: But we hang out with the guys while we do it.
Matt: Right!
Spidey: They better be in, all of them!

Obnoxious and loud ring tone from a cell phone. Ten times. A neighbour bangs on the wall.

Ace: *picking up his cell while coughing* Wha’?
Matt: Disgusting, bud.
Ace: Hey...
He stops the sentence he was beginning to form to cough some more and gulp in a lung full of air.
Ace: Whassup?
Matt: Your lungs?
Ace: Hilarious. What time is it?
Matt: Party time. Our place. ASAP.
Ace: Love to, but can’t.
Matt: Why not?
Ace: The floor is moving.
Matt: Oh.

Spidey keeps calling J-Man but he can’t connect. Then he dials Ken’s number.

Spidey: *in a husky voice* Can I web you?
Ken: Excuse me?! Oh, it’s you, Spidey. God, you sent me flash-backing into some nigthmarish scenario for a second!
Spidey: Yeah, you sounded freaked there for a sec, bud.
Ken: Was. So hanging out?
Spidey: Yup. On our own. Come over?
Ken: Sure.

Matt: Ace is too collapsed to come over.
Spidey: J-Man doesn’t pick up.
Matt: Ken?
Spidey: Coming.
Matt: Great.
Spidey: I have a plan.
Matt: Involving me?
Spidey: Nope. I won’t be long.
Matt: Right.

Scanning the street to be sure nobody sees him, then off he climbs. He peeks in through the window, and there he is. The window is closed so he taps it gently to get his attention. He doesn’t move a muscle. Spidey hates when people ignore him, so he taps harder – still no reaction. He knows only one solution…

Spidey: GERONIMOOOOOOOO!

He crushes the glass, swings through the window and noisily lands on the floor. He dusts off the glass. Then he taps J-Man on the shoulder.

J-Man: What…hey, Spidey. Did you just break my window?
Spidey: I knocked and knocked but you didn’t hear me!
J-Man: Headphones. Music. Didn’t you see the turntables?
Spidey: The question is: is there anything but turntables in your flat?
J-Man: Oh.
Spidey: Why are you wearing a tie?
J-Man: I am?
Spidey: Look at you.
J-Man: Oh. I thought I had forgotten it.
Spidey: What?
J-Man: Okay.

Spidey expects a follow up explanation but J-Man gets up from the floor from the turntables and walks out of the room. Calmly and apparently without a care in the world. He comes back with a dustpan.

J-Man: I need a new window.
Spidey: I’m sorry.
J-Man: Okay.
Spidey: Okay?

J-Man leaves the room with the dustpan filled with glass. Spidey follows him into the kitchen.

Spidey: We’re hanging out today.
J-Man: Are we?
Spidey: Yeah. Need to get Ace.
J-Man: Is he home?
Spidey: His floor is moving. We need to rescue him.

J-Man smiles and takes off his tie. Spidey waits for another reaction but J-Man goes to the bathroom.

SpideyCellPhone: J-Man’s a bit out of whack today.
MattCellPhone: Must’ve been hanging out with Ace.
SpideyCellPhone: Of course! Ken’s arrived?
MattCellPhone: Yeah, we’re hanging out in the sunshine on the balcony.
KenCellPhone: Pick up some crisps on your way home, bud.
SpideyCellPhone: Sure thing.

So while J-Man does…whatever…in the bathroom, Spidey packs a bag with clothes, records and a turntable. He calls a taxi and when J-Man finally makes his entrance to the secular world again, Spidey grabs his right arm and forces him out the door.

Spidey: So now we pick up Ace and some crisps.
J-Man: I think I forgot my tie.
Spidey: Why do you need a tie?
J-Man: Dunno. Just in case.
Spidey: You’re not making a lot of sense today.
J-Man: Thanks.

Now the doorbell rings continuously and the neighbour is about to throw a fit.

Neighbour: *screaming* Open the freakin’ door!!!
Ace: *opens the door* No. No no no. I can’t. Not today. I’m coming down with something. I’m close to dying. And see, the floor is still moving. Hey, is that you, J? Where’s your tie?
J-Man: I think I forgot it.
Spidey: Enough with the tie! Ace, pack a bag and move it.
Ace: Brutal.
J-Man: He smashed one of my windows.
Ace: So brutal. Right…a bag, you say. Where am I going? Do I need casual wear or...
Spidey: Matt and Ken are already waiting! I’ll pack for you. Let me through!
J-Man: He packed my stuff as well.
Ace: Anything good?
J-Man: Music and turntable.
Ace: Nice.
J-Man: Sweet.
Ace: Clothes?
J-Man: I think so. But no toothbrush.
Ace: Awww!
J-Man: Right.
Ace: Remember my toothbrush!
Spidey: What the heck did you do last night since you’re both so wasted?!
Silence
Spidey: Okay, don’t tell me then.

More to come soon...

Journals

Is it you, Diary? It’s me, not Margaret but Fri.
Today has been another hoot. Well, I tell a fib, I guess. It’s been same old, same old. I stalked J-Man again today. He hasn’t served me with a restraining order. Yet. Friday and J-Man. J-Man 4 ever. I love J-Man. J-Man & Fri. Marry me marry me marry me marry me marry me! I want numerous babies in the spitting image of J-Man. J-Man Jr. J-Man is beyond dreamy. He’s the sexiest man on the planet!
Went to the gym and saw SkinnyWoman whom I hate. I’m too fat for this world. Fat fat fat fat fatty fatso.

Day 673
I have tried hard for a week now but I forfeit and go back to the old routine. I’m not ready to get up at 7 and be at work at 8. We have a list of clients now. J is busy every day and his Mac glows from the various tasks he feeds it. Every other day we have meetings and new jobs. Last week we went to Berlin for another meeting. We’re global in every way. NASDAQ here we come…

Scrap book
Concert tickets
Pictures of friends, friends and friends
Gorgeous young women, handsome artistic men
A in front of his laptop in the office
Drawings of imaginative settings
Brainstorms for numerous novellas, short stories and articles
Marriage proposals from FridayNext

Dear Diary
Too busy to write a proper entry. Almost done with the thesis. Too tired to imagine spare time ever returning to my life.

Went to work early. Arguments over the phone with staff. Deliveries delayed. Again. Tiresome. Met up with Spidey, Matt, Ace and J-Man. They can gulp beer like nobody else. Spidey webbed me. Awesome sensation.

Friday and Matt. Matt and Fri. Fri Fri Fri Fri. MattNext. FridayNext & MattNext wedding invitation. Honeymoon in a deserted island. Just the two of us.

Friends, soaps, web and drinks. That’s it for me. I don’t need to keep a diary or journal to maintain my focus. Watsons. All of you.

Stalking 202

The phone rings and although he’s busy, he can’t help but feel a warm swirl in his stomach. Perhaps it’s a new client. Perhaps this is the project that will skyrocket them into an income bracket they have only heard about. Perhaps they’ll finally splash out and buy a stereo for the office. So he’s full of anticipation when he picks up and introduces the company and himself in his most confident tone of voice. Not to mention low pitched and slightly sexy.

SkinnyWoman: Oh Ace! It’s you! I hoped it would be you! It’s me. Do you remember me? We met some nights ago.
Silence
SkinnyWoman: I’ve just been at the gym and then I thought of you because you also work out. And I was on the treadmill for like ten minutes. TEN minutes, Ace!
Ace: Oh…
SkinnyWoman: Then I thought: which gym do you go to? It would be so much kooky fun if we went to the same gym. Don’t you think?
Silence
SkinnyWoman: Anyway, I just thought it’d be nice talking to you. Perhaps we could go out sometime?
Ace: Ahhhmm, you know. I’m very busy on a project so…
Silence
Ace: *clearing his throat* And it’ll be days…weeks! Weeks before I have any spare time. Free time to go out.

J-Man looks over at Ace. He cannot believe that his friend and partner is lying through his teeth. They’re busy but it’s not like they work around the clock. He notices that Ace is beginning to stutter and a bead of sweat is showing on his forehead.

Ace: So at the moment I don’t have…time…
SkinnyWoman: That’s okay, Ace. I understand. I’ll leave you to it. Bye.
Ace: Bye.

He puts the phone down and groans. Then he desperately searches for his cigarettes.

J-Man: First time I’ve heard you lie.
Ace: Gawd!

Someplace else close by and yet far away – it could be in a different universe.

FridayNext: Turn around, bright eyes. And then it goes into Bright eyes, in falsetto voice so it’s a combo between Bonnie Tyler and Art Garfunkel, and isn’t it spooky that the words are almost the same?
Spidey: How come you’re not at work today?
FridayNext: I have the day off. I can add the human boombox as well. Wanna hear?
Spidey: Not really.

But she does so first she sings “Turn around, bright eyes” a la Bonnie Tyler somewhere around the 1980s and then she repeats “Bright eyes” in falsetto and jumps over to disgusting noises made only with her mouth and a pretend microphone.

Spidey: You need to stop, you need to leave the flat!
Matt: Honey, that was really good. You should be a performer.
FridayNext: You think?
Spidey: Oh please! Go to the gym, will ya?!
FridayNext & Matt in UniSon: Shut up!
Spidey: Don’t delude her. She’ll just believe you and we will be force fed bad music from the 1980s.
FridayNext: You’re not kind right now so I’ll leave you.
Spidey: Thank you!
Matt: Hon?
FridayNext: I’ll be in the bedroom.
Matt: Want company?
She slams the bedroom door behind her.
Spidey: Apparently not. You’re off the hook this time, bud.

Since she managed to find his cell phone number on his company’s website, she has added it to her address book. It’s in code. Mr SexyPants. Just in case that Spidey or Matt accidentally picks up her cell phone and browses through her address book. It takes all her self discipline not to text him every day.

Allegedly Anonymous: Hey SexyPants. Take off your clothes!
J-Man: My cell phone…
Ace: Perhaps it’s about a project!
J-Man: Or a DJ gig.
Ace: As long as it brings in some cash.
J-Man: Oh!
Ace: Job?
J-Man: Strip job, but I’m not up for it.
Ace: You’re confusing me.
J-Man: Okay. Just…forget what I said.
Ace: Deal.

The downside is that he never replies. She is not sure if he gets her messages.

Spidey: We need beer.
Matt: And lots of it.
Spidey: Any in the fridge?
Matt: None.
Spidey: Time to visit Ken.
Matt: I’ll keep an eye on Fri.
Spidey: Done deal.

Ken walks around in the supermarket and checks out all the stuff that needs to be done. The girl at the check out register calls him over and he yells back if she needs anything. He looks in her direction but doesn’t stop shelving avocados. She asks him to get her some bags. She has run out. He okays and shelves the last two crates of avocados. He doesn’t notice Spidey sneaking up on him. Spidey shoots out his web and it lands on Ken’s bare neck and arms. He immediately cracks a smile and rubs his neck.

Spidey: Hey.
Ken: Hey!
Spidey: Look busy.
Ken: Am.
Spidey: Tee shirt.
Ken: Summery.
Spidey: Not yet.
Ken: Hard work.
Spidey: Never been there.
Ken: Lucky you.
Spidey: Guess so.
Ken: Matt?
Spidey: Home with Fri.
Ken: Alright?
Spidey: Never but okay.

They both laugh and high five each other. Then Ken leaves for the bags in the office and Spidey fetches some beer. Meanwhile the girl is getting slightly desperate. Spidey gets in line, then Ken enters the scene with the bags, and the girl snaps.

Ken: Here you are.
Girl: If you needed help, you could have asked me!
Ken: I know. But here are the bags…
Girl: I got the job offer fair and square. But when you called and asked for help, I wanted to help out, of course…
Ken: I know, I know. Relax, it’s alright.
Girl: …but…
Ken: It’s alright. Calm down.

He uses a soothing tone of voice that goes straight to women’s hearts and then he puts both his hands on the girl’s shoulders and rubs them gently, in front of all the customers. The girl calms down. Spidey nods in admiration and respect.

Ken: Okay?
Girl: Okay.

Then he leaves her to her work and goes back to the numerous crates of fruit that need to be shelved. Spidey pays for his beer and walks out of the supermarket. Oblivious to the customer who stood right behind him.

Girl: Sorry, I need a barcode for the corn. Let me just...

She calls for Ken and waiting to get her corn FridayNext wishes she could disappear. Ken comes running, giggles a bit and helps out the girl. FridayNext cannot figure out if he flirts with the girl, but it’s a fact that it hurts like hell in her heart to see him this happy and content. She looks the other way, and he ignores her.

Spidey: Beer!
Matt: Did you see Fri?
Spidey: Where?
Matt: She went to the supermarket just after you left. You must have seen her.
Spidey: Nope. No Friday in the supermarket. Ken, however…
Matt: Beer me first.
Spidey: Here you go. He did this great thing, y’know.
Matt: What?
Spidey: He calmed down one of the girls and she just went…well, she melted like a snowman.
Matt: Why?
Spidey: He did something with his voice and then he rubbed her shoulders. It was amazing. If you could do that to Fri, we would def have some quiet evenings!
Matt: Better ask him his secret.
FridayNext: What secret?
Matt: Hey baby!
Spidey: Didn’t see you in the supermarket. What did you buy?
FridayNext: Corn.
Spidey: Want a beer?
FridayNext: What secret?
Matt: Oh it’s nothing. You look so tense. Come here…

Instead of waiting for her to decide whether to go over to Matt, he comes to her, leads her to the sofa and sits her down. He gently puts his hands on her shoulders and rubs the tensions carefully away.

FridayNext: Impostor!
Matt: What?
Spidey: But it’s nice, right?
FridayNext: Don't touch me!

She marches into the bedroom – for the second time that day – and slams the door – for the second time that day.

Spidey: Well, perhaps Ken’s got magical hands.
Matt: Hmmmmm…
Spidey: Please don’t concoct up a stupid plan!
Matt: I’m beginning to sense that perhaps she’s not too crazy about me.
Spidey: Hmmmmm, you think, Sherlock! Forget it. She’ll come around eventually.
Matt: Right.
Spidey: Hey it worked! Listen – a quiet evening! Ken’s the man! Time for entertainment. Turn on the telly.