Obsessive Mind

After two weeks, she has worn Spidey to the ground.

FridayNext: Please. PLEASE!
Spidey: No.
FridayNext: But it’ll be so much fun!
Spidey: No.
FridayNext: Why not?
Matt: I’ll do it.
FridayNext: No thanks.
Spidey: I’m as lean as I can possibly get.
Matt: I need the exercise. I’ll be happy to join you.
FridayNext: But you’re not a killing machine. Wouldn’t it be great if you could take on anybody?
Spidey: You’re annoying.
FridayNext: So?
Matt: Why not me?
FridayNext: Look, just once. If you hate it, I’ll bring Matt.
Matt: He’ll hate it! Take me with you.
Spidey: Matt, show some self respect, dude.
FridayNext: Coooooooooommmmmmmeeeeeee oooooonnnnnnnn!
Spidey: Oh shut up! I’ll do it once and once only!
FridayNext: YES!
Matt: Self respect my arse!

The first week she is happy and overly excited.
FridayNext: So JonasTheSadist put together this exercise routine for me.
SkaGrrl: Oh?
FridayNext: Indeed! And it’s not too difficult!
SkaGrrl: No?
FridayNext: Absolutely not. It’s fun!
SkaGrrl: Fun?
LordBacon: Don’t you have some projects you need to work on?
FridayNext: No. So I did all the exercises and then I went on the skiing machine, for fifteen minutes!
SkaGrrl: Fifteen minutes?
FridayNext: Yes! Isn’t that something?
SkaGrrl: It is!
FridayNext: On level 2.
LordBacon: *sighing and shaking his head*
SkaGrrl: How many levels does it have?
LordBacon: Don’t encourage her!
FridayNext: Dunno! Oh! I can find out next time I go to the gym.
SkaGrrl: Yes! I’d like to know.
LordBacon: *staring at SkaGrrl in disbelief*
SkaGrrl: I do! I really do!
FridayNext: Just shut up, BaconBoy!
LordBacon: I said nothing!
FridayNext: Good. Because I can fire you if you don’t humour me.
FridayNext & SkaGrrl in UniSon: HA HA HA HA!
SkaGrrl: You’re so powerful.
FridayNext: I know. But I only use my powers for good stuff.
LordBacon: *snorting immensely then coughing to disguise the mistake* So I’ve finished all the labelling. What do you want me to do next?
SkaGrrl: *surfing the Internet and apparently deaf to LordBacon’s question*
FridayNext: You could clean up the area behind you. There are several boxes that you could throw out.
SkaGrrl: Oh. Ha ha ha! Sorry, what did you say, BaconBoy? I can barely see because of my cold.
LordBacon: Yeah, that makes sense.
SkaGrrl: So my reaction time is behind real time.
FridayNext: I know exactly what you mean!
LordBacon: I’ll go get myself a glass of water. Perhaps you’ll both make sense when I come back.
FridayNext: He’s a bit temperamental today, isn’t he?
SkaGrrl: Yeah. Just because he doesn’t understand how the superior female brain works.
FridayNext: You said it! Well, I guess I should go back to my office.
SkaGrrl: Don’t forget about the level!
FridayNext: I won’t!

The second week she has a tendency to be the most obnoxious person around
FridayNext: Hello hello hello hello hello!
Ace: Hello?
FridayNext: Whatcha doing?
Ace: Working.
FridayNext: Oh! Y’know?
Ace: What?
FridayNext: Do you ever go to the gym?
Ace: Usually every night after work. Why?
FridayNext: Oh my god, Ace! You’re adorable!
No reply
FridayNext: I’m in love with my local gym.
No reply
FridayNext: I love the skiing machine.
Ace: I run.
FridayNext: Ouch! It looks painful and too hard for my knees.
Ace: It’s good to run 5 miles after work. I feel relaxed and stress just disappears.
FridayNext: Five miles? That’s a lot of running.
No reply

FridayNext: J-Man?
J-Man: Friday?
No reply. An hour later.
J-Man: Friday Friday Friday?
FridayNext: Oh J-Man! J-Man J-Man J-Man! I got caught up in a project! I miss talking to you. Are you very busy?
An hour later
J-Man: Doing 256 picture files for a project. Time flies when you’re having fun…
FridayNext: Wouldn’t it be great if you worked in my office?
No reply
FridayNext: I’d put in a hammock so you could snooze now and again.
J-Man: I’ve always wanted a hammock.
FridayNext: I’ll go buy one immediately!
No reply

Third week and Spidey finally caves in to her pressure and comes with her to the gym. She shows off as if she’s been going for decades.
FridayNext: This is where you put your membership card in the slot to show that you’re attending today.
Spidey: I don’t have a card. I’m not at member. Remember?
FridayNext: Yet. And then we go to the reception and they hand you a key for the locker in exchange for your membership card. It’s a great system.
Spidey: Still not a member.
FridayNext: Hello. Can I have a key, please? And could my friend buy a ticket for the day?
Spidey: So is JonasTheSadist at work tonight?
Receptionist: Jonas will be in later. Would you like to book him?
FridayNext: No! No thank you. We’ll…not tonight. Thanks.
Spidey: Can I have a key for the locker or should I just go with my friend here?
Receptionist: You can’t go with your friend. You need to change in the men’s locker room.
FridayNext: Don’t be so silly! You’re embarrassing me!
Spidey: Well, you should have brought Matt.
FridayNext: No! Come on. This is the men’s locker room. I’ll meet you outside in five minutes.

She changes at the speed of light and waits for Spidey outside the men’s locker room. Men come out, men go in. She tries not to gawk at the sweaty young fit men…too much. Finally Spidey comes out in a tight orange sweat suit. She grimaces but doesn’t say anything.

She storms over to the skiing machine and once again shows off. She punches in her data and runs like a maniac. Spidey watches from the side. She explains that there are 20 levels and she’s managed level 4. He doesn’t look impressed. A young woman is working on the skiing machine next to her. She throws a few glimpses to Spidey who’s indifferent.

SkinnyWoman: Hi there.
Spidey: Hi.
SkinnyWoman: New here?
Spidey: Kind of.
SkinnyWoman: I like your outfit.
Spidey: Thanks.
FridayNext: Perhaps you’d like to try out one of the bikes?
Spidey: I’m fine. I told you I’m as limber as I’ll ever get.
SkinnyWoman: I wish I could say that!
She giggles and throws her long hair about. She’s been on the skiing machine for some time and not a bead of sweat has left her body.

Spidey sighs and looks about the room. He sees the rowing machine that was Friday’s first love.

Spidey: I’ll try the rowing machine. Yell when you’re finished.
FridayNext: *gasping for air* Sure!
SkinnyWoman: Or you could hang here and talk some more.
Spidey: Well, I’m actually here to exercise a bit…
FridayNext: See you in a while. I’ll be ten minutes.
Spidey: Sure.
SkinnyWoman: See you later?
Spidey: Mmm.
SkinnyWoman: What a great guy!

FridayNext is about to answer but she realises that SkinnyWoman is speaking to the woman on the third skiing machine. A woman in a plus size, with a pretty face but ugly body. A woman nobody noticed until SkinnyWoman spoke to her.

SkinnyWoman: I told you it’d be nice to do some exercise. If you work on this thing for half an hour, you’ll feel great. Perhaps you should try a higher level?

FridayNext: Can you believe that woman?!
Spidey: What woman?
FridayNext: ‘What woman’! The woman you chatted up!
Spidey: You’ve lost me.
FridayNext: On the skiing machine!
Spidey: She was just being nice. A bit chatty, but that’s all.
FridayNext: Did you see her friend?
Spidey: What friend?
FridayNext: Exactly! They always have a fat friend so they can feel superior!
Spidey: Again: you’ve lost me!
FridayNext: It’s like J-Man!
Spidey: What?
FridayNext: If I were skinny, he’d go out with me. But I’m not so he won’t. The gym syndrome won’t help, but at least I’m doing it for myself, not for him.
Spidey: I need some water and I think you do as well.
FridayNext: I got my bottle here. I’m just fed up with it all. I didn’t think it would be this obvious in a gym.
Spidey: If we work through your exercise programme and then go home, we can confuse Matt as much as you’ve confused me.
FridayNext: Okay. I’m just saying I’m fed up with being the fat friend everybody ignores!
Spidey: Right. Perhaps you should call Uni when we come home?
FridayNext: I will!