Various Scenarios

FridayNext: It’s all pooh!
UniCorn: I think you’ve had enough.
FridayNext: Pooh!
UniCorn: Excuse me, could we have the check, please?
FridayNext: I’m not going anywhere. Give me another strawberry daiquiri!
UniCorn: I think you’ve had enough, hon.
FridayNext: Two more daiquiris over here and hurry!
UniCorn: I’m fine. I don’t need another…
FridayNext: Not for you. You can order your own drinks.
UniCorn: Fri, I think we should…
FridayNext: Don’t! It’s not good for your brain to think. I’m still waiting for the drinks, waiter!
UniCorn: The boys are waiting up for you. We really should be getting home.
FridayNext: At last! Hey, if I take both straws then I can have double intake….
UniCorn: Could I have the check, please?
FridayNext: She wants a cosmo. She always wants a cosmo. Bring her a cosmo. She’ll shut up then. One cosmo and be quick about it.
UniCorn: I don’t want another drink. Just the check…
FridayNext: Oh shut up about the check!

Scenario 1
He walks into my office and says hello. In a very anti-Lionel Ritchie way, hopefully. And I go…oh, hello. And he goes: hi. And then…
J-Man: Thought I’d pop in and see how you are.
FridayNext: I’m fine. Just great. How’re you?
J-Man: Fine. Busy. But good.
FridayNext: Can I grope you a bit?
J-Man: Sure you can. Which arm?
FridayNext: Well, I like the left one the best. And I’d love to see your teeth as well.
J-Man: Oh, I can smile. Would that help?
FridayNext: Erm…you could open your mouth and let me see your front teeth. That’d do it for me.
J-Man: Okay. Like this?
FridayNext: *I turn into a jellyfish because that’s how handsome he is!*

UniCorn: You’re rambling!
FridayNext: It could have happened. If he hadn’t been carrying that box of heavy stuff.
UniCorn: Stuff like that would never happen. I think you’ve had enough.
FridayNext: I’m not done yet!

Scenario 2
FridayNext: Hi J-Man. Do you come here often?
J-Man: Hello Fri. This is where I shop for groceries.
FridayNext: Really? I was just in the neighbourhood by a coincidence and I needed…milk.
J-Man: They have good milk here. I buy it regularly.
FridayNext: Really?
J-Man: Sure. Wanna come up and listen to some music?
FridayNext: Up where?
J-Man: This is where I live.
FridayNext: Oh really? What a coincidence!

UniCorn: But you don’t know where he lives!
FridayNext: I know! Don’t rub it in! I just need to prod the boys and they’ll tell me. I’m sure of it.
UniCorn: Have you googled him?
FridayNext: Of course not! He’s too precious for that!
UniCorn: What the hell does that mean?
FridayNext: I need more alcohol.

Scenario 3
Knock knock knock
J-Man: Hello Fri. I heard you need some help with...whichever. I brought my toolbox.
FridayNext: Oh J-Man! You’re heaven sent!
UniCorn: Jesus Christ!
FridayNext: Shut up! It’s my scenario!
J-Man: Can I come in?
FridayNext: Sure! You can take off your clothes in my bedroom.
J-Man: Okay. Should I strip down to…
FridayNext: Yes please!
UniCorn: Is this a scenario for a porn flick?
FridayNext: Ssshhhhhhhh!
J-Man: Okay then. There…done.
FridayNext: Oh J-Man! That’s a massive toolbox you got there.
J-Man: *completely blank and flustered*
FridayNext: CENSORED BY MANAGEMENT

UniCorn: This is grossing me out, hon.
FridayNext: He would look great in my flat.
UniCorn: Where’s the check?
FridayNext: I would even cook him dinner now and again.
UniCorn: We should be heading home. The boys will be wondering…
FridayNext: He’d have a good time in my bed.
UniCorn: …shut up! You really need to sober up now.

Scenario 4
J-Man: Can I try your bike?
FridayNext: Oh. Well, I’m not sure. Can you ride it without scratching it?
J-Man: Sure I can.
FridayNext: I love my bike.
J-Man: I’ll be really gentle with it.
FridayNext: Okay… But only for a go around the block. And don’t change the speeds too quickly.
J-Man: I will and I won’t.
FridayNext: Okay…
J-Man: You need to let go before I can ride it.
FridayNext: Right…

UniCorn: What was all that about?
FridayNext: I miss my bike.
UniCorn: If you had to make a choice between your bike and J-Man, who would you choose?
FridayNext: Ken.

Scenario 5
Ken: Hello Friday.
FridayNext: Hi Ken. Working today, are you?
Ken: Sure am. Thought I’d seen you around lately.
FridayNext: Been shopping for food this week.
Ken: Right.
FridayNext: Yeah.
Ken: I was wondering…
FridayNext: Sure?
Ken: I know it’s a bit awkward, but would you like to go out with me?
FridayNext: Oh dear. Erm…sure, why not. What do you have in mind?
Ken: Dinner and a movie, perhaps?
FridayNext: Sounds great. When?
Ken: As soon as possible?
FridayNext: How about this Friday?
Ken: Which is also your name.
FridayNext: I know! Uncanny!
Ken: I love you already. You’re stunningly beautiful and I want to marry you and live with you until you die.
FridayNext: Okay then.

UniCorn: Waiter! If you don’t bring me that check now, we’ll leave without paying!
FridayNext: I wish he would say that to me.
UniCorn: I don’t know which fantasy you live in but apparently there are no dirty socks or burnt toast in it.
FridayNext: Sure there are. They’re called Matt and Spidey. I want J-Man. I want Ken. Oh! If I could have them both…could you imagine what it would be like?
UniCorn: I don’t see the attraction in the two. I’m sorry, hon, but they don’t do it for me in any way.
FridayNext: You’ve never seen Ken.
UniCorn: Sure I have. That one time…
Silence
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: Oh Ken. KEN! Oh, I thought you said Ace. No, I have never seen Ken. I have no idea what he looks like. Is he old? Oldish?
FridayNext: He’s older than J-Man.
UniCorn: The check! This is on me, hon. And now, let’s go home to the boys.
FridayNext: He’s got great hair. And he looks limber.
UniCorn: Ace?
FridayNext: Ken! Aren’t you listening to me?
UniCorn: Sure, hon.

UniCornTextMessage: We’re heading home. She’s rambling, pissed and annoying.
SpideyTextMessage: Apart from the drunk part, what’s different about her today?
MattTextMessage: Are you bringing her home now?
UniCornTextMessage: Yeah. Your surprise better be good.

Matt: What surprise?
Spidey: Dunno.
Matt: Did you promise Uni…
Spidey: Oh! We’d surprise Fri with something nice when she comes home. To take the sting out of the reception blunder.
Matt: Well, bumping into Ace, J-Man and Ken in the living room ought to do it.
Spidey: We better get back to the flexi trax before the guys suspect anything.
Matt: And this time – you don’t win!
Spidey: Of course I will. I’m Spidey, remember?