Stalking 202

The phone rings and although he’s busy, he can’t help but feel a warm swirl in his stomach. Perhaps it’s a new client. Perhaps this is the project that will skyrocket them into an income bracket they have only heard about. Perhaps they’ll finally splash out and buy a stereo for the office. So he’s full of anticipation when he picks up and introduces the company and himself in his most confident tone of voice. Not to mention low pitched and slightly sexy.

SkinnyWoman: Oh Ace! It’s you! I hoped it would be you! It’s me. Do you remember me? We met some nights ago.
Silence
SkinnyWoman: I’ve just been at the gym and then I thought of you because you also work out. And I was on the treadmill for like ten minutes. TEN minutes, Ace!
Ace: Oh…
SkinnyWoman: Then I thought: which gym do you go to? It would be so much kooky fun if we went to the same gym. Don’t you think?
Silence
SkinnyWoman: Anyway, I just thought it’d be nice talking to you. Perhaps we could go out sometime?
Ace: Ahhhmm, you know. I’m very busy on a project so…
Silence
Ace: *clearing his throat* And it’ll be days…weeks! Weeks before I have any spare time. Free time to go out.

J-Man looks over at Ace. He cannot believe that his friend and partner is lying through his teeth. They’re busy but it’s not like they work around the clock. He notices that Ace is beginning to stutter and a bead of sweat is showing on his forehead.

Ace: So at the moment I don’t have…time…
SkinnyWoman: That’s okay, Ace. I understand. I’ll leave you to it. Bye.
Ace: Bye.

He puts the phone down and groans. Then he desperately searches for his cigarettes.

J-Man: First time I’ve heard you lie.
Ace: Gawd!

Someplace else close by and yet far away – it could be in a different universe.

FridayNext: Turn around, bright eyes. And then it goes into Bright eyes, in falsetto voice so it’s a combo between Bonnie Tyler and Art Garfunkel, and isn’t it spooky that the words are almost the same?
Spidey: How come you’re not at work today?
FridayNext: I have the day off. I can add the human boombox as well. Wanna hear?
Spidey: Not really.

But she does so first she sings “Turn around, bright eyes” a la Bonnie Tyler somewhere around the 1980s and then she repeats “Bright eyes” in falsetto and jumps over to disgusting noises made only with her mouth and a pretend microphone.

Spidey: You need to stop, you need to leave the flat!
Matt: Honey, that was really good. You should be a performer.
FridayNext: You think?
Spidey: Oh please! Go to the gym, will ya?!
FridayNext & Matt in UniSon: Shut up!
Spidey: Don’t delude her. She’ll just believe you and we will be force fed bad music from the 1980s.
FridayNext: You’re not kind right now so I’ll leave you.
Spidey: Thank you!
Matt: Hon?
FridayNext: I’ll be in the bedroom.
Matt: Want company?
She slams the bedroom door behind her.
Spidey: Apparently not. You’re off the hook this time, bud.

Since she managed to find his cell phone number on his company’s website, she has added it to her address book. It’s in code. Mr SexyPants. Just in case that Spidey or Matt accidentally picks up her cell phone and browses through her address book. It takes all her self discipline not to text him every day.

Allegedly Anonymous: Hey SexyPants. Take off your clothes!
J-Man: My cell phone…
Ace: Perhaps it’s about a project!
J-Man: Or a DJ gig.
Ace: As long as it brings in some cash.
J-Man: Oh!
Ace: Job?
J-Man: Strip job, but I’m not up for it.
Ace: You’re confusing me.
J-Man: Okay. Just…forget what I said.
Ace: Deal.

The downside is that he never replies. She is not sure if he gets her messages.

Spidey: We need beer.
Matt: And lots of it.
Spidey: Any in the fridge?
Matt: None.
Spidey: Time to visit Ken.
Matt: I’ll keep an eye on Fri.
Spidey: Done deal.

Ken walks around in the supermarket and checks out all the stuff that needs to be done. The girl at the check out register calls him over and he yells back if she needs anything. He looks in her direction but doesn’t stop shelving avocados. She asks him to get her some bags. She has run out. He okays and shelves the last two crates of avocados. He doesn’t notice Spidey sneaking up on him. Spidey shoots out his web and it lands on Ken’s bare neck and arms. He immediately cracks a smile and rubs his neck.

Spidey: Hey.
Ken: Hey!
Spidey: Look busy.
Ken: Am.
Spidey: Tee shirt.
Ken: Summery.
Spidey: Not yet.
Ken: Hard work.
Spidey: Never been there.
Ken: Lucky you.
Spidey: Guess so.
Ken: Matt?
Spidey: Home with Fri.
Ken: Alright?
Spidey: Never but okay.

They both laugh and high five each other. Then Ken leaves for the bags in the office and Spidey fetches some beer. Meanwhile the girl is getting slightly desperate. Spidey gets in line, then Ken enters the scene with the bags, and the girl snaps.

Ken: Here you are.
Girl: If you needed help, you could have asked me!
Ken: I know. But here are the bags…
Girl: I got the job offer fair and square. But when you called and asked for help, I wanted to help out, of course…
Ken: I know, I know. Relax, it’s alright.
Girl: …but…
Ken: It’s alright. Calm down.

He uses a soothing tone of voice that goes straight to women’s hearts and then he puts both his hands on the girl’s shoulders and rubs them gently, in front of all the customers. The girl calms down. Spidey nods in admiration and respect.

Ken: Okay?
Girl: Okay.

Then he leaves her to her work and goes back to the numerous crates of fruit that need to be shelved. Spidey pays for his beer and walks out of the supermarket. Oblivious to the customer who stood right behind him.

Girl: Sorry, I need a barcode for the corn. Let me just...

She calls for Ken and waiting to get her corn FridayNext wishes she could disappear. Ken comes running, giggles a bit and helps out the girl. FridayNext cannot figure out if he flirts with the girl, but it’s a fact that it hurts like hell in her heart to see him this happy and content. She looks the other way, and he ignores her.

Spidey: Beer!
Matt: Did you see Fri?
Spidey: Where?
Matt: She went to the supermarket just after you left. You must have seen her.
Spidey: Nope. No Friday in the supermarket. Ken, however…
Matt: Beer me first.
Spidey: Here you go. He did this great thing, y’know.
Matt: What?
Spidey: He calmed down one of the girls and she just went…well, she melted like a snowman.
Matt: Why?
Spidey: He did something with his voice and then he rubbed her shoulders. It was amazing. If you could do that to Fri, we would def have some quiet evenings!
Matt: Better ask him his secret.
FridayNext: What secret?
Matt: Hey baby!
Spidey: Didn’t see you in the supermarket. What did you buy?
FridayNext: Corn.
Spidey: Want a beer?
FridayNext: What secret?
Matt: Oh it’s nothing. You look so tense. Come here…

Instead of waiting for her to decide whether to go over to Matt, he comes to her, leads her to the sofa and sits her down. He gently puts his hands on her shoulders and rubs the tensions carefully away.

FridayNext: Impostor!
Matt: What?
Spidey: But it’s nice, right?
FridayNext: Don't touch me!

She marches into the bedroom – for the second time that day – and slams the door – for the second time that day.

Spidey: Well, perhaps Ken’s got magical hands.
Matt: Hmmmmm…
Spidey: Please don’t concoct up a stupid plan!
Matt: I’m beginning to sense that perhaps she’s not too crazy about me.
Spidey: Hmmmmm, you think, Sherlock! Forget it. She’ll come around eventually.
Matt: Right.
Spidey: Hey it worked! Listen – a quiet evening! Ken’s the man! Time for entertainment. Turn on the telly.