Pull Over not Out

Matt: You’re going in the wrong direction.
Spidey: I need to pick up something for Ace.
Matt: Why are we at the gym?
Spidey: Wait and see!

J-Man: My hair is a mess.
Ace: Huh?
J-Man: Had I known that we were going out tonight, I would have…
Ace: Hush!
J-Man: What?
Ace: We’re not gay!
J-Man: What’s gay about talking about my hair?
Ace: Next thing you’ll discuss hair care products, whether you should use conditioner and blow dry in the morning.
J-Man: Of course I use conditioner.
Ace: I don’t want to know! Come on. I bet Ken is already at the bar. He sounded lonely.
J-Man: I bet he doesn’t use conditioner. His hair is so short.
Ace: Stop talking about hairdos!
J-Man: FridayNext loves your hairdo.
Ace: What?
J-Man: She wrote me an epic email on it. Rockabilly hairdo, she called it.
Ace: Really?
J-Man: Sure.
Ace: And she likes it?
J-Man: *staring at Ace*
Ace: Sorry. I got sucked in for a second.
J-Man: I’m sure she’ll elaborate if you ask her.
Ace: Let’s go.

Spidey: Hey. Remember me?
SkinnyWoman: Indeed! Hiya!
Spidey: So, busy tonight?
SkinnyWoman: Not really. Well, nothing I can’t put on hold, I mean.

She notices Matt and sends him a big tsunami with her eyelashes, but all she gets in return is a polite smile and a wave. Spidey acts cooler than a cat and continues his chat up lines.

Spidey: We’re good friends, Matt and I.
SkinnyWoman: Wauw. I didn’t know.
Spidey: We’re hanging out with three buddies tonight. Successful men.
SkinnyWoman: Ooooh.
Spidey: All really good-looking as well.
SkinnyWoman: So…how about some female company? I bet you boys could use a female touch, ha ha.

Matt suppresses a grunt. He looks at Spidey and then tabs his watch. Spidey nods and smiles to the woman.

Spidey: A female touch sounds great. We have a taxi waiting for us.
Matt: We do?
Spidey: Wanna come?
SkinnyWoman: Of course!

J-Man: Hi Ken.
Ken: Hey!
They high five each other and J-Man eases onto the barstool without problems. Ace copies J-Man and then he orders a round with the barman.
Ken: Busy?
Ace: Yup.
J-Man: Immensely.
Ken: Yeah, know the feeling. Try bitchy customers on top of it.
Ace: Who ask you out.
Silence
Ace: Sorry. Shouldn’t have mentioned it.
Ken: What the hell was I supposed to answer? I mean, sheep or no sheep – you just don’t date a customer.
J-Man: Or a client.
Ace: No you don’t. What do you mean, a client?
J-Man: This beer is flat.
Ace: Has somebody asked you out?
J-Man: Excuse me? Barman? Hello?
Ken: You don’t know? FridayNext asked him out. Once. It’s like she has asked out everybody.
Ace: Yeah. Everybody.
J-Man: This beer is flat.
Barman: Sorry, I’ll get you a new one.
J-Man: It’s a long time ago. We barely knew her.
Ace: But she asked you out.
Spidey: Hey guys! Ready to hang out?
SkinnyWoman: *giggling in supersonic mode and clinging to Spidey’s right arm*
Ken: Hey Spidey. Matt.
Ace: Yo!
J-Man: Hello Spidey and Matt.
SkinnyWoman: *giggling* Oh Spidey, you’re right. They’re so handsome!
Matt: I need a double of anything. Barman?

By sheer coincidence FridayNext doesn’t bump into the guys on her way home from the gym. She’s sweaty but enthused with energy. She jumps on her bike and zooms home. To her great distress the boys aren’t home. After a shower she tiptoes restlessly around the flat and builds up frustrated agitation. Then she falls into the trap – the trap that leaves no exit. She switches on her computer…

SkinnyWoman: You look like you work out.
Ace: Sorry? Are you talking to me?
J-Man: *almost coughing up his beer*
SkinnyWoman: You’re so funny! What’s your name?
Ace: Me?
Ken: His name’s Ace.
Spidey: And he works out every evening.
Matt: After work.
J-Man: Preferably on his own. He loves the treadmill.
SkinnyWoman: So do I! Oh really, we have so much in common. What star sign are you?

Ken looks at Spidey and Matt in disbelief. Spidey shrugs slightly and Matt shakes his head as if to say that he’s got nothing to do with it. J-Man orders a new round and ignores the glances Ace throws him.

Ken: I have to…
Matt: So do I!
Spidey: Me too!
Ace: Hey…
SkinnyWoman: Is this your friend you work with?
J-Man: Sorry, my mobile…

Everybody but SkinnyWoman leaves Ace to do their business.

J-Man checks the text message that has just popped up on his work cell.
Allegedly Anonymous: Mr SexyPants. I love you!
J-Man: What? I wonder who that’s from…

Ken: It’s worse than a crime scene out there!
Matt: What were you thinking?!
Spidey: I just wanted to boost his ego. She seemed nice enough.
Matt: Yeah, not blonde or feeble-minded at all.
Ken: *sniggers* Nice rack, though.
Spidey: Indeed.
Matt: Oh please!
Spidey: Come on! You can’t be such a saint all the time!

UNAUTHORISED INTERRUPTION

FridayNext: So once again I’m portrayed like this idiot who only has men on my brains?
Ace: And now it sounds like I’m homophobic and sexually inactive? I want to meet with the writers!
UniCorn: Oh boo hoo! What about me? First I’m sidetracked because of a so-called thesis. Then the blog breaks up for a month and I don’t get paid at all. How am I supposed to survive on NOTHING?
Spidey: I’m fed up with the gym. I don’t want to see Fri sweat.
Matt: You and me both!
Ken: I still don’t get why I got sucked into this blog. I’ve never applied for this job. I want out.
J-Man: I don’t need a new nickname. It’s too confusing as it is already. J-Man. DJ-Man. GraphicDesignBoy. And now Mr SexyPants.
FridayNext: Take off your clothes.
J-Man: Excuse me?
FridayNext: Come on! Take off your clothes. I want to see you naked. For motivation.
J-Man: What chemical are you on?!
FridayNext: I don’t know! But apparently the writers think you’re the sexiest man alive so they make me say all the stuff to you that they don’t dare ask themselves. So take off your clothes so we can see what it’s all about!
J-Man: You’ve lost it!
FridayNext: No I haven’t!
UniCorn: Apparently the writers haven’t included me in this entry either so I’m going home!
FridayNext: Look what you’ve done. It’s been ages since we’ve hung out and now she’s left the set. You, you, you…ooooohhhhhhh!
Matt: Exactly!
FridayNext: Shut up! You know what I mean.
Ace: Is it only me who’s getting a migraine?
Matt: Let’s just get on with it so we can all go home.
J-Man: On our own. Not together.
FridayNext: No need to look at me, honey. I’m so not groping you. For now.
J-Man: Great.
FridayNext: Fine.
J-Man: Indeed!
FridayNext: Sure!
J-Man: *turning his back on her*
FridayNext: *glancing at his behind before she turns away* Dammit!
Spidey: So the cool guys except for Ace are in the men’s room having a masculine chat about…whichever and Fri is of course up to something that involves kookiness and insanity. And action…

RESUMING POSITIONS

SkinnyWoman: You’ve got great hair. I love your scar.
Ace: Ahmmmm…
SkinnyWoman: Oh, I’m sorry. Ha ha, it’s not everyday that my boobs jump out of my sweater. Oh my god, what am I saying! Ha ha, I’m so sorry!
Ace: *hiccups* Right.
J-Man: A, can I…
Ace: Sure! Let’s join the others!

Ace drags J-Man away from the bar and finds a secluded area in the darkness. Even without too much light, J-Man can see the wild look in Ace’s brown eyes.

Ace: She’s insane. She’s beyond FridayNext insane!
J-Man: Speaking of. Look at this message I just got.
Ace: Who’s it from?
J-Man: *stares at Ace until it dawns on Ace*
Ace: Where are all the sane women?
J-Man: In healthy relationships. Let’s find the guys and leave.

When she doesn’t get a reply she decides to go AWOL. She jumps on her bike and drives like a madwoman. For thirty minutes. With lights on. With her helmet tucked tightly on her head. Huffing, puffing and gasping for air. Arriving safely, she locks her bike and then she knocks on the door, incessantly without pause.

UniCorn: What the hell…
FridayNext: I don’t care what they want me to do! I’m here now and I miss you and I want to talk and do you have any diet coke? And some chocolate? I could murder a choccie bar. Or four of them. And you know what? Hey, aren’t you going to let me in?
UniCorn: Sure, hon. Just surprised to see you…
FridayNext: Anyway, it’s just been one of those months and since you’ve not been around much, let me fill you in…
UniCorn: I have two kinds of crisps?
FridayNext: I love you. I love you I love you I love you!
UniCorn: Love you too. And now: update me. How many times have you told J-Man that you love him?
FridayNext: Oh he’s so dreamy, hon…