Ace: Are you ready?
J-Man: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Ace: Big job today.
J-Man: Yeah.
Ace: Would you like to push the button?
J-Man: Sure.
Spidey and Matt have left FridayNext on her own. She has no idea where they have gone, but the flat seems awfully empty. She has to hear her best friend’s voice.
FridayNext: Are you home today?
UniCorn: Howdy, what’s up?
FridayNext: I’m lonely.
UniCorn: Oh honey.
FridayNext: I mean it!
UniCorn: What do you want me to do about it?
FridayNext: I want to go somewhere.
UniCorn: Where do you want to go?
FridayNext: Ummmm…
UniCorn: Oh.
FridayNext: Oh?
UniCorn: Or was I wrong?
FridayNext: No?
UniCorn: So…should we go?
FridayNext: Love to.
UniCorn: And Chinese afterwards?
FridayNext: Oh honey!
J-Man: It won’t start!
Ace: Sure?
J-Man: I’ve tried several times.
Ace: Let me…
J-Man: Be my guest.
Ace: No…it won’t accept the command.
J-Man: *slightly sarcastic* Oh no?
Ace: We really need those Christmas cards today.
J-Man: I know.
Ace: Otherwise people won’t receive them before Christmas.
J-Man: I know! You know…
Ace: NO!
J-Man: But you know…
Ace: NO!
J-Man: Since we already have the prints…
Ace: NO!
J-Man: We just need to cut and assemble…
Ace: NO!
J-Man: You know I’m right!
Ace: Never!
J-Man: What else should we do?
Ace: We can’t!
J-Man: Sure we can!
Ace: God.
J-Man: I’ll get the prints.
Ace: Shit.
UniCorn: Are you ready? We’re here. Brace yourself.
FridayNext: You go in first!
UniCorn: You’re such a chicken!
FridayNext: Gook goook…
UniCorn: Shut up!
FridayNext: I’m a bit scared.
UniCorn: Don’t be. I’m right here.
FridayNext: Oh honey!
UniCorn: I know. Oh my gawd! That’s a big one alright!
FridayNext: AAAHHHH! I’m scared, I wanna go home!
UniCorn: Over here…these are not as humongous. These should fit you just fine.
FridayNext: Ewwwww!
UniCorn: Ewwww indeed but in a very good way. Honey!
FridayNext: Oh, look at all the colours. Leopard, pink, purple – and black. How fast can they go?
UniCorn: Depends on the model. I think you should try one of these – they are really fast. You like things fast, right?
FridayNext: Not always! But…yeah. Kind of. Can we test drive it?
UniCorn: Ewwwww!
FridayNext: Not like that! Just to see how it wriggles and moves.
UniCorn: *turns on the device and it writhes inside the box* Look, this looks nice.
FridayNext: Too slow.
UniCorn: How about now?
FridayNext: Oh my gawd, it’s almost like an earthquake! I want it!
UniCorn: Should it be waterproof?
FridayNext: I haven’t planned on taking it to the beach.
UniCorn: Think showers, silly.
FridayNext: Oh… Sure, it should be waterproof then.
UniCorn: Which colour?
They have put two desks together to have room enough for the alternative Christmas card project. J-Man has put on some music and enjoys himself with cutting out the template. He has a serene look on his face.
Ace: Goddammit!
J-Man: What?
Ace: Damn the template!
J-Man: What’s wrong?
Ace: Nothing.
J-Man: You like the music?
Ace: Not again!
J-Man: What’s up?
Ace: Not the wings again!
J-Man: You’ve lost me.
Ace: The wings! The freaking wings!
J-Man: Okay…
Ace: Something’s wrong with my scissors.
J-Man: Right.
Ace: You know…
J-Man: What?
Ace: I’m not good at this.
J-Man: No? Give it to me. I’ll do it.
UniCorn: I got one and you got one. Need anything else?
FridayNext: No?
UniCorn: Are you sure?
FridayNext: Yes?
UniCorn: You want one more?
FridayNext: Well…
UniCorn: Or we can come back.
FridayNext: I want one more. A bigger one!
UniCorn: How about this…
FridayNext: That one! I want that one! It’s pink and big and sounds funny when I turn it on!
UniCorn: Are you sure?
FridayNext: It feels nice.
UniCorn: Ewwww!
FridayNext: Feel it.
UniCorn: Oh nice!
FridayNext: Right! And it’s waterproof.
UniCorn: Are we set then?
FridayNext: Yup honey.
TattooedShopKeeper: You want batteries with that?
UniCorn & FridayNext in UniSon: No.
TattoedShopKeeper: Are you paying together?
UniCorn & FridayNext in UniSon: Separately!
Ace: There’s glue everywhere!
J-Man: Really?
Ace: Great, now I’m glued to the desk.
J-Man: What are you doing?
Ace: Gluing the freaking thing together and it’s not working!
J-Man: It’s working fine for me.
Ace: Not the wings again!
J-Man: This will be the best Christmas greeting ever.
Ace: I’m not sure about that. We need to make 100 and I’ve only done 2. And one is without wings.
J-Man: It’s seldom that you suck at something.
Ace: Don’t remind me. I hate this!
J-Man: I’ve done 50 so far.
Ace: Rub it in, will ya!
J-Man: I just meant that I can do some of yours.
Ace: Oh. Nice!
J-Man: You’re welcome.
FridayNext: I’m hungry for Chinese.
UniCorn: Do you have room for both of them?
FridayNext: They’re in my handbag. Do they show?
UniCorn: Nope.
FridayNext: Good. That would have been embarrassing.
UniCorn: And why did he ask if we wanted to pay together?
FridayNext: Freak.
UniCorn: Yeah…
FridayNext: I have all kinds of batteries at home so I should be set for the night.
UniCorn: Ewww. Don’t want to know.
FridayNext: And I’ll test the smallest one first.
UniCorn: Shut up!
FridayNext: Oh come on. You’re dying to know.
UniCorn: Do you have a table for two, please?
FridayNext: Saved by a waiter.
UniCorn: Indeed. I need a bathroom.
FridayNext: Just leave your handbag here with me. I’ll look after it. I just have to take off my jacket.
UniCorn: Alrighty.
UniCorn puts her bag on the table and turns away to head for the bathroom. She doesn’t see that the bag is open and its strap is intertwined in her coat’s belt so when she moves away from the table, the bag falls to the floor. Unfortunately she doesn’t notice, but FridayNext does. The purchase rolls out of the handbag – and now the full restaurant and the waiters all see the purple personal friend that requires batteries for fun times. It’s lying there in the open, on the floor. Suddenly no sound is heard. People are staring at FridayNext. She knows that UniCorn will scold her if she leaves without it because it was an expensive playmate. So she swallows her pride, grabs her and UniCorn’s bags and scoops up the device before she runs to the bathroom.
FridayNext: Uni? UNI!
UniCorn: I’m a bit busy right now.
FridayNext: We’re leaving. Now! NOW! NOW!
UniCorn: *opens the door and sees FridayNext holding the playmate in her hand* Oh!
FridayNext: Let’s go for takeaway instead.
Wednesday morning. FridayNext is more tired than usual... The mail arrives. She receives a small brown box. No sender. She rips open the box in curiosity. Inside she is met with a huge amount of cotton, enough to last a lifetime. She delicately digs away some of it and then it appears from out of nowhere. The red robot boxy man with wings. Stuffed with cotton. She looks at it and then removes the cotton. This is by far the spaciest and weirdest Christmas greeting she’s ever received. She’s at a loss for words and picks up her cell and takes two pics that she sends to UniCorn.
FridayNextCellPhone: Honey, you’re not gonna believe this – is this kitsch or great or just plain weird? Don’t know why but I like it.
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