Everybody to the Rescue: J-Man's Ill

FridayNext: Must...must...must....
UniCorn: What are you on about?
FridayNext: I must get out of bed…
UniCorn: Stay put!
FridayNext: No, I need to get out of bed.
UniCorn: You’re too ill to get out of bed. Stay!
FridayNext: But I must make chicken soup!
UniCorn: Why?
FridayNext: Hang on…

FridayNext runs to the bathroom and vomits into the toilet bowl. Spidey silently closes the door to the living room. UniCorn sends him thumbs up and he nods. FridayNext comes out of the bathroom, greasy hair and wobbly legs. She looks beyond awful.

UniCorn: Go back to bed!
FridayNext: I checked my emails.
UniCorn: Go back to bed – I won’t tell you again!
FridayNext: J-Man has a sore throat. He needs chicken soup. I must make him some chicken soup!
UniCorn: Look at you. You look…appalling. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you look disgusting. You need to take a shower. Look at your hair!
FridayNext: I’m ill! What did you expect?
UniCorn: You know, since that medication you’ve been ill an awful lot. For somebody who’s never ill, you’re ill often now.
FridayNext: Move. I need my duvet to cook the chicken soup.
UniCorn: Isn’t that something? I mean, you’ve lost a lot of weight…
FridayNext: I know I’m still fat!
UniCorn: …and since you’ve lost all that weight, you’re ill more often than ever.
FridayNext: You’re blocking the kitchen door. Let me through.
UniCorn: I’m just saying, it’s interesting.
FridayNext: Yeah, very. Now, I need a chicken.
UniCorn: Perhaps you should speak to your GP about it.
FridayNext: Look, I need a chicken so you either go and get me a chicken in the supermarket or ask Spidey to do it. Before I faint.
UniCorn: You’re not listening!
FridayNext: I need to sit down. I can’t believe he’s ill. Poor J-Man. It’s awful to have a sore throat.
UniCorn: Whereas it’s a hoot to vomit and have the runs for the umpteenth time in two months.
FridayNext: *sits down with her duvet on one of the chairs in the kitchen* Did you get the chicken?
UniCorn: I haven’t left yet!

UniCorn finds Spidey in the living room. He sits on the sofa and watches another episode of his soap. Matt sits in the recliner reading a book.

Matt: What’s she up to now?
UniCorn: It’s because she’s ill.
Matt: No, it’s not.
Spidey: What does she need now?
UniCorn: A chicken.
Matt & Spidey in UniSon: A chicken?
UniCorn: Don’t ask…
Matt: Let me guess…
Spidey: And let me help you…
Matt: J-Man is ill…
Spidey: And he needs chicken soup.
UniCorn: So you’ve heard?
Matt: J-Man texted me, said he’s got a sore throat so the bar hopping is off this weekend.
UniCorn: *sucks in air in disbelief*
Spidey: Wait…let me make a call…
Spidey: Hey, it’s me. What’s up? Busy? Closing time, right? Help me? Wicked. Chicken. Not frozen. J-Man. Kickin’. See you, Ken.
UniCorn: *sucks in even more air and close to fainting*
Spidey & Matt stand up, high five each other and sit down again.
UniCorn: You…you…you!
Matt: Exactly.

UniCorn: You need to go to the bedroom. Now. This minute.
FridayNext: I’m so tired. I feel awful.
UniCorn: Ha ha ha!
FridayNext: What’s wrong with you?
UniCorn: Bedroom. Now!
FridayNext: Unless you’re proposing to me, you don’t get to speak to me that way. And don’t order me into my own bedroom!
UniCorn: If you go lie down for a bit, I’ll go to the supermarket. I’ll get the chicken for you. Okay, hon?
FridayNext: Okay.

FridayNext wobbles into the bedroom and UniCorn locks the door from the outside. Just in time before Ken rings the doorbell and Spidey opens the door. They high five each other and mumbles ‘peace out’ and then Ken is on his way again. UniCorn gawks behind Spidey.

UniCorn: That’s Ken?
Spidey: Yup.
UniCorn: He’s…
Spidey: But he’s really cool when you get to know him. And he brought us a chicken.
UniCorn: He’s…
Spidey: Indeed, but you can let the sheep out now.

FridayNext sniffles and coughs and runs to and from the bathroom and in between she bosses UniCorn around in the kitchen. Chop veggies. Don’t do it that way. Cook the chicken. More water. Less salt. More pepper. Carrots. Now! Finally the soup is done. It’s hot on all possible levels.

UniCorn: How will you get it to J-Man? It’s too hot to carry. You’re too ill to go outside. It’s after office hours. You don’t know where he lives. Have you thought this through at all?
Matt: Hi Sweetie.
FridayNext: Hi honey.
Matt: Oh, you’ve made chicken soup?
FridayNext: Yeah…
Matt: Smells delicious. I can take it to J-Man.
SILENCE
Matt: Spidey?
Spidey: Yo.
Matt: Up for a cross-town experience tonight?
Spidey: Sure. And we know where J-Man lives. After office hours.
Matt: See you in a while, sweetie. Bye Uni.

And the boys are off with litres of chicken soup and FridayNext stands in her jim-jams not sure what the heck happened. UniCorn grimaces.

FridayNext: Wha…
UniCorn: I think the boys like to hang out with J-Man and Ace.
FridayNext: Wha…
UniCorn: Come on. Let’s get you back in bed.
FridayNext: They know where he lives?
UniCorn: They’ll be home soon.
FridayNext: They know where he lives!
UniCorn: See, nice bed. Warm and comfy.
FridayNext: It’s just a never-ending nightmare, Uni. At least I can dream about Ken.
UniCorn: Yeah…Ken. Goodnight.
FridayNext: Oh Ken…