Bumpy Ride

Spidey: Yo.
Matt: Yoyo.
Spidey: Is the pooping machine up yet?
Matt: Don’t call her that.
Spidey: She was driving me nuts yesterday.
Matt: It’s no fun being ill with the runs, Spidey.
Spidey: No, but why do we all have to suffer?

Flashback to yesterday

FridayNext: Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh!
Matt: What’s wrong?
Spidey: Shh! We’re watching my soap.
Matt: You look...pale, hon.
FridayNext: Godddddddddd.
Spidey: *turning up the volume* I can’t hear what they’re saying!
Matt: You wanna lie down for while?
FridayNext: No. I don’t know what I want right now.
Spidey: Oh surprise. Do I want J-Man or UniC...
Matt: *throwing a pillow in Spidey’s face* Shut up!
FridayNext: Nooooooo!
Spidey: Finally she left. Have you seen that woman to the left? She’s alright, isn’t she?
Matt: I hope she found the toilet in time.
Spidey: But the one to the right is also... Imagine them in cat suits. Meow!
Matt: *yelling* Hon, are you okay?
Spidey: Hey, I haven’t sneezed for days. Perhaps I have full control over my web now.

FridayNext comes back into the living room, whiter than anything ever seen before. In that exact moment Spidey tests his web skills and the conclusion is that he may be well enough to be annoying but not well enough to have full control over his web. One of the lines hits FridayNext in her right eye and almost knocks her over.

FridayNext: Hey!
Matt: Oh honey. Are you alright?
Spidey: Oops!
FridayNext: Oops my goddamn behind. You did this on purpose you lousy friend!
Matt: Sweetie, come here. Sit in the sofa and get your strength back.
Spidey: I’m sorry, Fri. I really didn’t mean to!
FridayNext: Eat my dust, you moron.
Matt: Hey! Come here. I’ll get a blanket so you can snuggle in the sofa.
Spidey: I really am sorry, Friday.
FridayNext: Okay. I just feel awful!
Matt: Here. Lie down and I’ll stuff the blanket...
Spidey: Stuffed...
Matt: Don’t finish that sentence!
Spidey: ...turkey.
Matt: Spidey!
FridayNext: I feel sick.
Matt: I know, sweetie.
FridayNext: I mean, now. I feel sick now. I’m gonna puke.
Matt: Oh. Oh! Bathroom. Bathroom! Hurry!

Back in real time

Spidey: She’s still asleep?
Matt: No. She went shopping before I got up.
Spidey: Great. We need food. Lots of it.
Matt: She mumbled about dried scones. I don’t know what the hell that is.
Spidey: It’s like toasted toast. REALLY toasted.
Matt: *looks at Spidey in disbelief*
Spidey: Okay, I actually listened to her when she explained what it was yesterday. You caught me.

The front door opens and noise and goddammits come from the hallway.

Spidey: Oh honey, she’s home.

They both go and greet her. The sight is everything but pretty. She stands in the middle of the hallway, nose running, bags scattered on the floor, messy hair and dirty boots. She is close to tears.

Matt: Hi hon...
Spidey: Oh! What happened?
FridayNext: I lost 40 quid.
Spidey: What?
FridayNext: Didn’t you hear me the first time? I lost 40 quid!
Matt: What do you mean, you lost it?
Spidey: Is there a gambling dive next to the supermarket that I don’t know about?
FridayNext: On my way home. I had them in my pocket and now they’re gone!
Matt: Are you sure?
FridayNext: Yes I am, Sherlock! I’ve been turning the pocket inside out a zillion times!
Spidey: Have you checked the other pocket?
FridayNext: No, Spidey. I’m so lame that I never came up with the fantastic super brilliant idea to check BOTH pockets!
Spidey: Well, perhaps you should do it now.
Matt: Spidey, why don’t you take some of the bags into the kitchen?
FridayNext: I hate my life! I hate all....this!

FridayNext opens up her arms and points in all directions. She jumps up and down in the same place and tries to scream the tears away.

FridayNext: It’s so unfair! So fucking unfair! I only have myself to blame for it. And this month – it’s Christmas and all. It’s also the month of less therapy. I could do with more therapy. Not less. I don’t buy that crap that less is more. It’s bullshit.
Matt: You know, you could see the 40 quid as part of therapy. You’re good at imagining things, right? So imagine that you just paid for a therapy session. Then you wouldn’t kick yourself for not having the 40 quid.
FridayNext: *going into internal discussion mode*
Spidey: Hey, you bought lobster soup! Kickin’!
Matt: Oh nice! Can we have some now?
Spidey: I’m starving. But you can keep those toasted awful things you bought. They look drier than I don’t know what.
Matt: You’ve only bought healthy food?
Spidey: *in a FridayNext pretend tone of voice* Oh hon, just in case that Ken was at the check out, you know.

FridayNext wakes up from her internal discussion and looks at Spidey. Matt first looks at Spidey and then turns his head to FridayNext. It dawns on Spidey that not everybody had been let in on the secret crush on Ken. He hiccups and accidentally releases strings of web that fall to the floor.

Matt: Idiot Ken?
Silence
Matt: From the supermarket?
Silence
Matt: The worst manager ever, the rudest person that ever lived, the most incompetent employee?
FridayNext: It’s really nothing, Matt. He’s just eye candy...
Spidey: *grins and shakes his head vehemently but too late to stop FridayNext*
Matt: That’s it.

Matt goes into the bedroom and closes the door. Spidey hits FridayNext over the head and sighs. She nods and slaps herself.

Spidey: What the hell were you thinking?
FridayNext: I wasn’t. And I could ask you the same.
Spidey: And my answer is what you said.
FridayNext: What is he up to?
Spidey: I don’t know. I’ve never seen him this upset before.
FridayNext: No. Godddd, it’s just what I need to make a crap Sunday even worse.

Matt comes out in tight T-shirt and jeans. He ignores FridayNext and only looks at Spidey.

Matt: Come on, we’re hanging out today.
Spidey: Now? Could we eat first?
Matt: We’ll find something on the way. Come on.

He puts on his jacket and opens the front door. No byes to FridayNext, no kiss, no nothing. He walks down the stairs and Spidey isn’t sure what to do.

FridayNext: You better go. I’ll see you later.
Spidey: I’ll find out what’s going on. See ya.
FridayNext: Later.