Bumpy Ride Part II

Spidey: What are we doing?
Matt: How the hell should I know? I just needed to get out of the flat.
Spidey: It’s Ken. Come on, you’ve seen him. He’s so not into her. Anyway, she’ll never have the guts to ask him out.
Matt: You’re not really helping here, Spidey.
Spidey: Okay, let’s go to the supermarket.
Matt: Why?
Spidey: To see if Barbie’s Ken is in.

They walk down to the supermarket.

Spidey: So what we do is being helpless.
Matt: Why?
Spidey: We need Ken to come out and help us.
Matt: With what?
Spidey: Whatever.
Matt: You’ve lost me.
Spidey: *sighs* In all wars, you need to know your enemy, so what we’re going to do is to get to know Ken.
Matt: I don’t want to know a rude man. He deserves to be on his own forever.
Spidey: Yeah, that’ll win you awards. Meanwhile here in the real world, love is war. Remember that. If you want to win Fri, you need to know the competition.
Matt: Sounds like a lot of work.
Spidey: Not if we do it right. Let’s pretend!
Matt: *confused and so not with it*
Spidey: Just follow my moves.

Spidey takes a basket and walks into the supermarket. Matt follows in a daze. Spidey seems to know what he’s doing although he claims he’s never set foot in the supermarket before. At least not to buy stuff for them all… He scans the aisles and when Ken doesn’t materialise, Spidey suddenly needs a frozen duck, seriously, stat!

Matt: Why are we buying a frozen duck?
Spidey: It’s on sale, there’s no one there, I need to talk to management.
Matt: We don’t need a duck!
Spidey: You’re losing focus.
Matt: But we’re eating out tonig…oh!
Spidey: Welcome, Watson. I’ve been expecting you.

Spidey walks to the management office and knocks on the door. He is pretty proud of himself as he stands with his empty basket and Matt by his side. The door is opened in a powerful way; Spidey is nearly sucked into the office from the gust. Ken stands in the door, face blank without any signs of emotions whatsoever.

Ken: Yes?
Spidey: You’re out of ducks.
Ken: We got some this morning, but not as many as I had ordered.

Ken steps out of his office and walks past Spidey and Matt and over to the aisle where the ducks are supposed to be. He professionally scans the area and then looks directly at Spidey.

Ken: I’m sorry; they are probably sold out already. Let me check in my office. Steph, open another check out, people are queuing.

He walks fast back to the office and Spidey nods his head in appreciation to Matt. Ken checks some papers and then returns to the door.

Ken: We’ll get another delivery tomorrow morning. That’s the best I can do.
Spidey: Oh. Alright. Shame really. Had been looking forward to duck tonight.
Ken: *silent, no facial expression at all*
Spidey: Well, perhaps we’ll just go out and get really drunk instead.
Ken: *silent, no facial expression at all*

The phone rings on Ken’s desk and before Spidey thinks about the consequences, he shoots out a line and grabs hold of the receiver. He yanks back the line, unhooks the receiver and hands it over to Ken.

Spidey: For you, I believe.
Matt: *snorts*
Ken: *looks at both Spidey and the receiver*
Spidey: *whisper in a dramatic tone of voice* Whoever it is, they’re waiting for you.
Ken: Hello? Yeah, I got the delivery but we ordered six, not just two. We need them now; the customers expect the goods since they’re on sale.
Spidey: *looks at Matt with a winning smile and lip syncs* I’m that good!
Matt: *lip syncs* You’re just lucky.
Spidey: *lip syncs* No fucking way.
Ken: *hangs up and looks over at Spidey* That was pretty cool.
Spidey: Yeah, it’s just something I do whenever, you know.
Ken: Handy.
Spidey: Indeed. So why don’t you hang out with us for some heavy drinking tonight?
Ken: *looks at them both in an awkward way* Tonight?
Spidey: It’ll be fun.
Ken: I have work in the morning.
Spidey: So we meet you at 8.30. The supermarket closes at 8, right? So that should give you plenty of time to get into town. Know that sports bar on the corner by the square?
Ken: No.
Spidey: Well, we’ll meet you there. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve if you’re interested. See ya.
Ken: *flabbergasted, tongue-tied and slightly ill at ease* ‘kay.

Matt: Ken thinks you’re gay and we want a threesome.
Spidey: What?!
Matt: *in a mocking tone of voice* I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Hello!
Spidey: I just meant if he liked the web…
Matt: Yeah, you could tie him to your bed and show him plenty of other tricks. I’m not going.
Spidey: You are going! I won’t be at some sports bar alone with Ken.
Matt: Well, your problem.
Spidey: Look, bud, you’re the one who’s heartbroken, and I do my best to help you fix it. You’re coming whether you want to or not. And now – I have another treat for you.
Matt: Treat? Asking Ken out was a treat?
Spidey: You’re too melodramatic today. We need to go cross-town. Hang on.
Matt: I forgot my gloves.
Spidey: Well, tough.
Matt: It’s freezing!

After several minutes of discussion, they finally find a secluded spot and Spidey takes off for their cross-town trip. Matt is practically frozen when they reach their destination.

Spidey: I know a small café where you can have plenty of hot coffee.
Matt: Gggggggggggg…..
Spidey: You’re welcome. You remembered your wallet, right?

In the café they sit in the back and Matt falls in love with the radiator. Spidey orders two pots of coffee and several pieces of cake.

Spidey: Could I get some whipped cream as well, please?
Matt: What for?
Spidey: I want coffee but I also want whipped cream – usually you only get whipped cream with hot chocolate, but I’ll mix it into the coffee and see how it tastes.
Matt: You’re insane.
Spidey: Which reminds me: do you know where we are?
Matt: In an overcrowded café and still I’m freezing cold.
Spidey: Look out the window. Does this place ring a bell?
Matt: No.
Spidey: Over the road and at the door right there, that’s where we’re going next.
Matt: Great. Why?
Spidey: We’re going to find us a couple of new friends.
Matt: Don’t want any friends!
Spidey: You’ll die a lonely man. Of course you need more friends. Drink up.
Matt: How can I? They haven’t served us yet!

An hour later they leave the cosy café and embark on the next leg of Spidey’s secret quest. Matt is full from the coffee and cakes but Spidey moves lithely as if cakes and whipped cream were just a dream. They stand in front of the door Spidey pointed out earlier. They both look at the mass of snow on the pavement.

Spidey: How come there’s snow here?
Matt: Hasn’t snowed for a week or so.
Spidey: Perhaps somebody built a snowman.
Matt: Whatever. Why are we here?
Spidey: Stay here…I’ll just go on a recon.

Spidey crawls up the wall to the second floor and looks in through the windows. He looks down at Matt and shows him thumbs up.

Ace: AAAAAHHHHH!
J-Man: What?
Ace: Look – window – huge spider!
J-Man: What – where – when?
Ace: It’s gone now. Oh my god.
J-Man: A, you’re hallucinating.
Ace: I can’t be!
J-Man: Go home. You’ve been working late for months.
Ace: I can’t get my heart rate back to normal.

Spidey: Good news. They’re in.
Matt: Who?
Spidey: Our two new friends.
Matt: Who?!
Spidey: Come on, we’ll go and say hello.

Spidey knocks on the door and is let in without questions. He drags Matt up the stairs and knocks on the front door.

Ace: Yes? AAAHHH!
Spidey: Hi. How are you?
Ace: AAAHHH!
Matt: I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to…
J-Man: Hello? Can we help you?
Matt: We must have the wrong address…
Spidey: We need a kick ass logo. We were wondering if you could help us.
Ace: Right. Ha ha. Come in.
J-Man: *watches Ace for a nanosecond to see if he’s alright, then switches to his aloof mode*
Matt: Sorry to barge in like this…
Spidey: But we are really in kind of a pickle and we’ve heard so much about you.
Ace: Oh. From whom?
Spidey: A friend of ours and our network contacts. They all rave about you. Both of you. So…you do logos, right? We need something that immediately says…wow!
J-Man: I’m sure we can help you.

Spidey nudges Matt who’s beginning to understand who the two men in front of him are. There are only a couple of hours to their meeting with Ken. Surely Spidey must have used all his tricks up his sleeve by now?