Bumpy Ride, Final Part

Spidey sits next to J-Man and looks into the screen. He’s not satisfied with the draft. J-Man keeps changing elements while Ace stands behind him thinking up new ideas. Matt walks restless about in the big office not interested in Spidey’s logo issue.

Ace: If you add another element on the left, J…
Spidey: It’s amazing!

In his excitement Spidey claps his hands and without noticing it two lines sling out and string the computer screen.

Ace: AAAHHHH!
J-Man: COOL!
Matt: Jesus!
Spidey: Oh!
Ace: Do it again!
Spidey: Only if you come out with us.
Silence
Spidey: We’re going to hang out in the sports bar around the corner.
Silence
Ace: Perhaps we should call it a day, J?
J-Man: Sounds good to me.
Ace: We’ll swing by when we have locked up.

Matt and Spidey walk over to the bar giving the lines a rest.

Matt: We’re going out with men Fri likes.
Spidey: We have something she doesn’t.
Matt: What?
Spidey: Apart from the obvious… Men like tools and gadgets. Luckily I can compete with that.
Matt: Your strings.
Spidey: Yup.
Matt: You knew they would fall for it.
Spidey: Yup.
Matt: I’m gonna get so drunk you need to carry me home.

Meanwhile in a different part of the town a green sheep is going bonkers in her flat. She rants and raves to nobody until finally it dawns on her that these days everybody meets on the Facebook site. She logs on.

UniCorn sent you a gingerbread cookie
UniCorn sent you a request to feed her fish
UniCorn sent you a gingerbread cookie – again
UniCorn sent you a request to meet all her friends
UniCorn sent you a request to send Matt over to her place
UniCorn sent you a gingerbread cookie – you’re getting fatter and fatter!

Enough already! FridayNext can barely figure out how the email system in Facebook works!

FridayNextFacebookMail: Uni, Matt has gone.
UniCornFacebookMail: What?!
FridayNextFacebookMail: I miss him.
UniCornFacebookMail: Gone where?
FridayNextFacebookMail: Dunno.
UniCornFacebookMail: Our names are too long in this entry.
FridayNextFacebookMail: I know. It was a lame joke to begin with. Come over so we can talk properly.

UniCorn: What do you mean, gone?
FridayNext: Well, can you see him anywhere? He went out and Spidey took off with him. He was angry.
UniCorn: Why?
FridayNext: *trying to be J-Man-aloof* Dunno.
UniCorn: WHY?
FridayNext: He may have heard something about Ken. I didn’t mean to hurt him!
UniCorn: Oh Sherlock!
FridayNext: Yeah. I’m such a Watson today.

Uni pulls out her cell phone and taps away. Fri comes over and gawks at the display but Uni holds up the phone in the air so Fri can’t see the text before she hits send.

UniCorn: You’re not tall in any way, hon.
FridayNext: *sighing* I know.

Within seconds the phone rings.

UniCorn: Howdy.
UniCorn: Where are you?
UniCorn: What’s going on?
UniCorn: Really?
UniCorn: WHO?
UniCorn: For real?
UniCorn: FOR REAL?
UniCorn: She’s not gonna like it!
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: Are you coming home soon?
FridayNext: Is it Spidey?
UniCorn: Should we join you?
FridayNext: Yes!
UniCorn: Okay, if you’re sure.
FridayNext: We can go immediately!
UniCorn: Shut up!
UniCorn: Not you, Spidey. The green one is jumping up and down here rambling on and on.
FridayNext: You’re lying!
UniCorn: Okay. Deal.
UniCorn: Bye.
FridayNext: What? What did he say?
UniCorn: They’re hanging out in a sports bar and having a good time.
FridayNext: So? What’s not to like about that?
UniCorn: Hey, do you have any popcorn?
FridayNext: No. Tell me.
UniCorn: They’re hanging out with Ken.
FridayNext: WHAT?
UniCorn: And Ace?
FridayNext: Seriously?
UniCorn: And J-Man is kind of there as well.

Silence

UniCorn: Hon, your eyes are glazed. You have to speak to me. What goes on in your head?

Silence

UniCorn: It could be a coincidence…

Uni trails off when she sees the look Fri sends her.

UniCorn: Or maybe not…
FridayNext: You know what this means?
UniCorn: That this is one of the not so good days?
FridayNext: It means I’m the only one they don’t want to hang out with.
UniCorn: It’s got nothing to do with you. The boys just hang out with other boys and they talk about nothing and…

Silence

FridayNext: Right. Sod them. Go to soddery. All of them. Well, J-Man, at least. I hate him now.

Silence

FridayNext: At least for a nanosecond. So…should we go and get some comfort food?
UniCorn: Okay! I have a surprise for you.
FridayNext: Tell me tell me tell me!
UniCorn: We need to go to my place.
FridayNext: I’m gonna say hi to the birdies.
UniCorn: Sure.
FridayNext: And ChessBoy.
UniCorn: Right.
FridayNext: Get the car keys, woman!

In the car they turn on the radio and tune into all the lame Christmas songs that were ever written. They sing along to every one of them in loud, out of key voices. Just when you thought that Last Christmas couldn’t make you gag anymore, UniCorn and FridayNext take the song to a new lower level.

After having greeted the beautiful birdies and hugged the crap out of ChessBoy (get a haircut, man, you look like hippie, dude, maaah haaah), FridayNext flops down on the sofa and waits for UniCorn to entertain her.

UniCorn: Remember that looks isn’t everything.
FridayNext: I think they’re both handsome.
UniCorn: I’m not talking about men.
FridayNext: Oh.
UniCorn: Sometimes something a bit…strange looking can be beautiful.
FridayNext: Are you hinting at me? I know I’m green, dammit! But it’s what I look like.
UniCorn: Oh shut up, Fri. Here!

UniCorn hands FridayNext a plate with five handmade chocolates. All FridayNext sees is perfect titbits of heaven. She doesn’t focus on the colour or shape. This is chocolate. This is paradise. For once FridayNext shuts up and is entirely focused on lifting one of the chocolates off the plate. She slowly bites into the piece and closes her eyes.

There are no J-Mans here. There are no Kens here. All is sweet and soothing. This is the best comfort food ever.