Sexual Tension

Subject Line: Spilling the Beans

Sweetheart!

Darling J...

Wonderful Design Boy

Dear DJ-...

Howdy J-Man

Does Ace cling to you?

By now you probably realise that Ace is rather attached to you…

I think I owe you an explanation and excuse. It may be my fault if Ace appears to stick to you like glue lately. I love you!

We accidentally came by one night and you were…there…and so was he, and you look adorable even when you are drunk and asleep. So we broke your window…

We sneaked in…

The door was open and we happened to walk in just to see if you were around. Could have been fun to say hello and beg you to strip down and …

The glue fell out of my bag and Ace sort of bumped into the tube and landed on your left side and went back to sleep. It all happened so fast. Honestly.

But you know it’s like when you bike to work in the morning and some mornings you’re just too tired or fed up with everything. And life seems to be endless and you hate the thought of going on and in a nanosecond you could end it all by swerving into the huge lorry that is heading your way. It would only be a brief second of excruciating pain and then you’d be free. Then suddenly – out of nowhere – a cat passes the road. It walks in a stately manner and is completely ignorant of your presence. You know what cats are like. And you smile because cats – they’re great, and if you see one cat during a day, then it’s a good day.

Really, life isn’t that bad, after all. I mean, I love UniCorn. And Spidey is funny and heck, even Matt tries his best to sweeten life. You can’t go wrong with friends like that.

But goddammit, J-Man! I don’t understand why we can’t get super glued. I’m a lot of fun. I’d make you laugh now and again and probably turn up your volume control a notch or twenty. Would that really be so awful? Some days there are just not enough strawberry daiquiris or medication to make the hours pass smoothly. On those occasions it would be delish to have my own private DJ-Man. And now Ace got you instead and it’s a bit hard to accept. I just like talking to you, I guess.

I adore you

I love you

I want you

I’d wear you out within a day!

Kisses

Respect

Best wishes

Friday

InBox: Knock knock knock
Matt: Hey, how’re you doing?
InBox: Well, she’s on the war path again.
Matt: What now?
InBox: I found this…
Matt: I can only read the subject line.
InBox: I have access to her draft and her final email.
Matt: I’m used to her unfiltered behaviour. Bring it all.
InBox: Sure?
Matt: Sure.
Dumbstruck and horrified
Matt: Has he seen this?
InBox: He’ll never see it. I’ll trash and expunge both in a second.
Matt: Thanks.
InBox: Perhaps…
Matt: Mmm?
InBox: I know it’s difficult, but perhaps you should talk to her?
Matt: And say what?
InBox: I don’t know. But she shouldn’t go around super gluing people.
Matt: I wish she’d super glue me!
InBox: And I wish he’d super glue me!
Matt: We’re sad.
InBox: Yeah!
Spidey: Hey, what’s up?
InBox: Yo Spidey.
Matt: Hi.
Spidey: What’s with the long faces?
InBox: Ask Spidey to talk to her.

FridayNext: Hey Spidey. We’ll have dinner in half an hour so don’t munch on anything.
Spidey: Shesh, I just wanted to see what you’re up to.
FridayNext: Doing the dishes. Wanna help?
Spidey: Not really.
FridayNext: Move out of my way, then.
Spidey: By the way, have you seen J-Man lately?
FridayNext: *suspicious* Why?
Spidey: Well…it’s just that you often talk about him but you haven’t lately and I was wondering if he no longer works with…you…
FridayNext: Things have just been busy. I guess he’s busy as well. He’s just somebody that I work with now and again. We’re not colleagues.
Spidey: Right. What a shame, huh?
FridayNext: *absent-minded while cleaning the surfaces* Mmm. S’alright. He’s just a business partner.
Spidey: *staring at her in disbelief but keeps his mouth shut*
FridayNext: Uni and ChessBoy are too busy to come over tonight so it’ll only be us.
Spidey: More food for us.
Silence
Spidey: Have you ever thought about dating?
FridayNext: *looking at him all sceptical*
Spidey: Not me! Somebody else than any of us.
FridayNext: Chill. It’s not like you’re WonderMan! And thanks for making me feel attractive and gorgeous!
Spidey: Just saying that if you found somebody to date, perhaps life would be a bit easier.
FridayNext: Life Schmife!
Spidey: Because that’s an authentic word…
FridayNext: Anyway, why are you so mushy all of a sudden?
Spidey: You don’t seem to be happy.
FridayNext: Oh Sherlock!
Spidey: Don’t be so aggressive!
FridayNext: You barge into the kitchen and say that I should find somebody to play with away from all of you because let’s face it; I’m way too disgusting for you.
Spidey: Not exactly what I said!
FridayNext: Well, it was what I heard so put your words together properly before you open up practice as a psychologist.
Spidey: You stink at dating. That’s the problem.
FridayNext: And you stink at being a best friend. Go away!
Spidey: Practice on me.
FridayNext: What?
Spidey: I’ll be your pretend date.
FridayNext: Why would I want to end up with you at the end of the evening?
Spidey: First of all, you shouldn’t end up with anybody after just one evening.
FridayNext: I’m a sheep. It’s what I do.
Spidey: You are not making sense.
FridayNext: I know! You just hit a nerve, alright?! I want time-out!
Spidey: Okay. Time-out.

Five minutes later

Spidey: Feeling better?
FridayNext: Okay.
Spidey: Right, so close your eyes and imagine that I’m the man of your dreams.
FridayNext: Okay.
Spidey: Open up and we’re on a date.
FridayNext: Okay.
Spidey: Hello.
FridayNext: Hi J-Man!
Spidey: *sighing but accepting it* Hi Friday.
FridayNext: *giggles and blushes*
Silence
Spidey: I don’t know what lingo the man speaks. Has he ever uttered more than two words at a time?
FridayNext: *yelling* Don’t be like that! He’s so tuned into other people and he always says the right things.
Spidey: *yelling* How do you know?
FridayNext: *yelling* Because it’s what he does!
Spidey: *yelling* But you’ve never been out with him!
FridayNext: *yelling* He talks on email!
Spidey: *yelling* Okay, so what would you say to him if you were on a date with him?!
FridayNext: *yelling* Hi J-Man. You look f-ing unbelievably muthafrickin’ sexy and I want to shag you for a week non stop!
Spidey: We need to stop yelling at each other.
FridayNext: Yeah.
Spidey: So we’ve found out that you want to have a sexual relationship with…
FridayNext: Well, anyone would do right now.
Silence
Spidey: Ew.
FridayNext: Kinda yeah.
Spidey: I’ll get your mobile. This is a case for UniCorn!

UniCorn: Howdy honey. What’s up?
FridayNext: My libido!
UniCorn: You lost me.
FridayNext: I just told Spidey I want to have sex with whomever.
UniCorn: Ew.
FridayNext: Which was what he said.
UniCorn: Should we have this conversation?
FridayNext: If not with you, who then?
UniCorn: Wait…
FridayNext: What are you doing?
UniCorn: Just…hold on…
FridayNext: Come back!
UniCorn: I’m here. Just needed to go to the bathroom.
FridayNext: Ew! Ew! Ew!
UniCorn: To be alone for a second. Fri, relax, okay?!
FridayNext: Don’t freak me, then.
UniCorn: We could go to a place.
FridayNext: Holiday, you mean?
UniCorn: No. A place. To buy stuff.
FridayNext: Go shopping? I’m in!
UniCorn: Sometimes you’re really thick, honey.
FridayNext: Stop talking in code.
UniCorn: Red light district.
FridayNext: Why is it called that?
Silence
FridayNext: Oh.
UniCorn: Oh indeed!
FridayNext: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
UniCorn: It’d be fun.
FridayNext: And very awkward!
UniCorn: But mostly fun.
FridayNext: And a little awkward.
UniCorn: Honey, do you remember your first real date?
FridayNext: Yeah?
UniCorn: You asked me to draw you a picture so you knew where he should put his…
FridayNext: Alright! So we know stuff about each other…
UniCorn: And whether your d will be black or purple, I don’t mind knowing.
FridayNext: What is d?
UniCorn: Honey, you need to get better at subtlety.
Silence
FridayNext: Oh!
UniCorn: So hang in there and we’ll go shopping soon.
FridayNext: Deal.