FridayNext: Wouldn’t it be dreamy if it was to me and it was from J-Man?
UniCorn: Then you would die from a heart attack.
FridayNext: Yeah, I would! Who’s this from…OH!
UniCorn: Fri? Are you alright? Friday, come on. You’re scaring me!
FridayNext: I can’t breathe!
UniCorn: Are you messing with me?
FridayNext: *hands over the letter* Do something!
UniCorn: *reads the letter, then smirks* It’s from J-Man!
FridayNext: It’s from J-Man!
UniCorn: And Ace.
FridayNext: And Ace!
UniCorn: It’s from both of them.
FridayNext: It’s from both of them!
UniCorn: Oh my god, you’re in shock.
FridayNext: Oh my god, yes I am!
UniCorn: Look at their logo. It’s a swan with horns.
FridayNext: It’s a reindeer with an arrow in its mouth.
UniCorn: I’ll give you the arrow, but it’s still a swan with horns.
FridayNext: It’s a new layout. What the hell are they up to?
UniCorn: Dunno. But apparently they’re into swans these days.
FridayNext: They’re inviting TheBoss over.
UniCorn: For a reception. There’ll be tonnes of people there.
Silence
UniCorn: I bet your invitation will come tomorrow.
FridayNext: No it won’t. They’ve blacklisted me.
UniCorn: Of course they haven’t.
But there’s no invite in the mail the next day. Or the day after. TheBoss has planned to attend. I’m green with envy. Or rather, greener than I usually am.
InBox: Yo Matt!
Matt: Hey, long time no chat!
InBox: Sorry. Been up to my eyeballs in work. Okay?
Matt: Fine. You?
InBox: Great. Still in love with Friday?
Matt: Yup.
InBox: Invite her out next weekend.
Matt: What?
InBox: Do it now. Make a big thing out of it. You won’t regret it.
Matt: Sounds suspicious.
InBox: They are inviting people over for a reception. She’s on the guest list, but I have managed to pull some strings so it’s still in the mail.
Matt: She’d do anything to attend.
InBox: And we want to avoid that.
Matt: Thanks. I owe you one.
InBox: Forget it. I’m doing this to keep my man to myself.
My butt is sore from the freakin’ bike ride home. It’s been windy for four days straight. There should be a law against that! I’m tired and miffed and angry and…sad because of that stupid reception.
Matt: Guess what?
FridayNext: What?
Matt: I’ve invited UniCorn and ChessBoy out for dinner next week.
FridayNext: Oh Hooray.
Matt: Sweetie, you and Spidey are going too.
FridayNext: Oh.
Matt: I thought it’d be nice to go out. All of us.
FridayNext: I guess so.
Matt: So where would you like to go? To that sushi place?
FridayNext: I’m fed up with sushi.
Matt: Really?!
FridayNext: Sorry, Matt. It sounds great. Perhaps we could go for Chinese this time?
Matt: Good idea, sweetheart. I’ll tell ChessBoy and UniCorn. Are you alright?
FridayNext: Just tired. ‘Night.
Spidey: So you want me to crash the party?
Matt: It’s not a party. It’s a reception.
Spidey: With beer and music. It’s a party, dude.
Matt: Whatever. Will you?
Spidey: Why?
Matt: For me?
Spidey: Don’t goo all over me!
Matt: What the hell do you want me to say? You know WHY! I want to see what the fuss is all about.
Spidey: Okay. I’ll sneak in and take a couple of pics. Shouldn’t be that hard.
J-Man: Hi Friday. Long time since I’ve heard from you.
I can’t believe my frickin’ eyes. I super-click the mail and blow it out of proportion.
FridayNext: Howdy J-Man. I love you!
FridayNext: *deleting the email and beginning all over* Hi J-Man. Good to hear from you. Busy?
J-Man: Are you coming to our reception?
FridayNext: Well…
J-Man: It’d be nice if you could come over.
FridayNext: I love you. I love every fibre of you!
FridayNext: *deleting the email and beginning all over* Oh, I just thought it was an executive thing…
J-Man: You didn’t get the invitation?
FridayNext: I’ll kidnap you. I’ll never let you out of my flat!
FridayNext: *deleting the email and beginning all over* Nope.
Ace: Hi Friday. Are you coming to our reception?
I want to die. Instead I have to go home for the big dinner-out-with-my-best-friend and the boys.
Matt: Are you leaving?
Spidey: Yeah, I have this…thing…I have to do.
Matt: Okay.
UniCorn: What thing?
Spidey: Just…thing. Y’know.
UniCorn: Sounds suspicious!
Spidey: Leave me alone! See ya.
UniCorn: *poking FridayNext* You’ve been quiet all evening.
FridayNext: Wha’?
UniCorn: How about you and me. Out for drinks. Let’s ditch the boys.
ChessBoy: Hey!
UniCorn: *in a purring voice* But honey, I’ll call you when I want you to pick us up and then you can drive us home in the middle of the night.
ChessBoy: Okay!
Spidey: Can you hear me?
Matt: Loud and clear.
Spidey: There are lots of people here!
Matt: Right.
Spidey: I’ll send you a snapshot. Wait… Got it?
Matt: Shit!
Spidey: I’ve seen their girlfriends. You have nothing to worry about. None of them are green or remotely sheepish.
Matt: Okay. Thanks, Spidey.
UniCorn: Honey, I’m just saying…who drank my cosmo?
FridayNext: You did. Two seconds ago.
UniCorn: Honey, I’m just saying…plenty of J-Men out there.
FridayNext: *sighing*
UniCorn: And Aces. Who drank my cosmo?
FridayNext: *rummages through her handbag* It’s late and you’re too drunk to make a coherent decision. So follow me!
UniCorn: Well, somebody drank my cosmo so alrighty then.
We crawl up the house. I don’t know how we manage but we do. Uni is climbing up close behind me. It probably helps to have a horn drastically close to one’s butt. Her speech is slightly slurred. She speaks endlessly. It’s a sign that she’s nervous. Or perhaps just drunk. As long as she speed talks, she won’t ask silly questions. Such as what the heck we’re doing here.
I can’t believe our luck! They haven’t gone home yet! I break one of the windows and worm my way in. Uni finally stops talking when she enters the room. I gawk. I gawk so much that my eyeballs hurt! They’re both here! Fast asleep and dishy and completely unaware. It’s a dream come true!
I open my handbag and take out the super glue. I know it’s cheating. Super glue is only for consenting adults. If I should use glue on J-Man, it should be glue stick only so he can flee whenever he has had enough. Uni sees the tube of super glue.
UniCorn: You really shouldn’t, honey.
FridayNext: I know.
UniCorn: You’ll regret it.
FridayNext: I know.
UniCorn: Maybe not today, but some day…
FridayNext: Stop quoting a film!
UniCorn: Sorry. I’m too sober now to let you do this.
FridayNext: No, you’re not.
I edge in on J-Man. He’s left handed so my guess is that he’ll never chew off any of his left sided limbs even if I drive him nuts. I squirt super glue on his left arm and left hip and left leg. I put a thick layer on him. Then I squirt super glue on my right side and I step closer to J-Man.
Ace: *mumbling* I’m bursting…
UniCorn: *whispering* He’s moving!
FridayNext: *whispering* Shit!
Ace: *mumbling* Bathroom…
UniCorn: Abort mission!
Ace stumbles to his feet, eyes at half mast and he shuffles dangerously close to J-Man. I tiptoe out of his way and hope that he won’t open up his eyes. He trips over an imaginary dust bunny and bumps into an almost unconscious J-Man. I look in horror. Uni has her hands up to her mouth, her eyes wide open. I don’t believe this!
Ace is glued to J-Man’s left side and he is barely awake to notice. It seems that he’s forgotten all about the bathroom and instead he now lies next to J-Man, asleep. I sneak over and try to unglue the two. Without luck.
We run to the window and make our way down. Unfortunately Uni is now completely sober!
UniCorn: What did you do!
FridayNext: It’s not what’s supposed to happen!
UniCorn: But it did! And now they’re glued together!
FridayNext: What do you want me to do? I can’t unglue them!
UniCorn: What were you thinking?!
FridayNext: It should have been me! Me and J-Man!
UniCorn: You’re not making any sense!
FridayNext: I freakin’ know!
UniCorn: Let’s forget about tonight.
FridayNext: Fine with me.
Silence
FridayNext: They’re best friends, probably. They won’t even notice that they’ve been glued together for life.
UniCorn: I hope you’re right.
FridayNext: Me too.
Spidey: I’ve seen their girlfriends. You have nothing to worry about. None of them are green or remotely sheepish.
Matt: Okay. Thanks, Spidey.
UniCorn: Honey, I’m just saying…who drank my cosmo?
FridayNext: You did. Two seconds ago.
UniCorn: Honey, I’m just saying…plenty of J-Men out there.
FridayNext: *sighing*
UniCorn: And Aces. Who drank my cosmo?
FridayNext: *rummages through her handbag* It’s late and you’re too drunk to make a coherent decision. So follow me!
UniCorn: Well, somebody drank my cosmo so alrighty then.
We crawl up the house. I don’t know how we manage but we do. Uni is climbing up close behind me. It probably helps to have a horn drastically close to one’s butt. Her speech is slightly slurred. She speaks endlessly. It’s a sign that she’s nervous. Or perhaps just drunk. As long as she speed talks, she won’t ask silly questions. Such as what the heck we’re doing here.
I can’t believe our luck! They haven’t gone home yet! I break one of the windows and worm my way in. Uni finally stops talking when she enters the room. I gawk. I gawk so much that my eyeballs hurt! They’re both here! Fast asleep and dishy and completely unaware. It’s a dream come true!
I open my handbag and take out the super glue. I know it’s cheating. Super glue is only for consenting adults. If I should use glue on J-Man, it should be glue stick only so he can flee whenever he has had enough. Uni sees the tube of super glue.
UniCorn: You really shouldn’t, honey.
FridayNext: I know.
UniCorn: You’ll regret it.
FridayNext: I know.
UniCorn: Maybe not today, but some day…
FridayNext: Stop quoting a film!
UniCorn: Sorry. I’m too sober now to let you do this.
FridayNext: No, you’re not.
I edge in on J-Man. He’s left handed so my guess is that he’ll never chew off any of his left sided limbs even if I drive him nuts. I squirt super glue on his left arm and left hip and left leg. I put a thick layer on him. Then I squirt super glue on my right side and I step closer to J-Man.
Ace: *mumbling* I’m bursting…
UniCorn: *whispering* He’s moving!
FridayNext: *whispering* Shit!
Ace: *mumbling* Bathroom…
UniCorn: Abort mission!
Ace stumbles to his feet, eyes at half mast and he shuffles dangerously close to J-Man. I tiptoe out of his way and hope that he won’t open up his eyes. He trips over an imaginary dust bunny and bumps into an almost unconscious J-Man. I look in horror. Uni has her hands up to her mouth, her eyes wide open. I don’t believe this!
Ace is glued to J-Man’s left side and he is barely awake to notice. It seems that he’s forgotten all about the bathroom and instead he now lies next to J-Man, asleep. I sneak over and try to unglue the two. Without luck.
We run to the window and make our way down. Unfortunately Uni is now completely sober!
UniCorn: What did you do!
FridayNext: It’s not what’s supposed to happen!
UniCorn: But it did! And now they’re glued together!
FridayNext: What do you want me to do? I can’t unglue them!
UniCorn: What were you thinking?!
FridayNext: It should have been me! Me and J-Man!
UniCorn: You’re not making any sense!
FridayNext: I freakin’ know!
UniCorn: Let’s forget about tonight.
FridayNext: Fine with me.
Silence
FridayNext: They’re best friends, probably. They won’t even notice that they’ve been glued together for life.
UniCorn: I hope you’re right.
FridayNext: Me too.
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