Friday Night at Friday's

UniCorn: Hey Spidey, bottom’s up!!!
Spidey: *giggling* Yo Matt, she’s talking to you!
UniCorn lines up ten shots, five for her, five for Spidey. The glasses spill over.
UniCorn: It’s tequila time!
Spidey: *looks slightly uncomfortable for a second then changes his mind* Alright! Here goes nothing!
Spidey licks the salt off his hand, downs all five shots and looks triumphant with a lemon slice in his mouth.
Spidey: YES! I feel alive!
UniCorn: My turn, my turn!

She picks up the salt shaker, corners an unsuspecting Matt, semi-tackles him so that his back is against the wall, rips off his t-shirt sleeve, licks his bare muscular upper arm and sprinkles it with salt. All so fast that Matt doesn’t know what’s coming to him. UniCorn licks his upper arm again, rushes to the table and gulps down all five shots all to Spidey’s cheers. Matt is bewildered and shocked and is lost for words.

Spidey: That was amazing. Replay!
UniCorn: Okay!
Matt: NO!

In the meantime…

Friday is involuntarily working late at the office. Papers and post-its are scattered all over her desk. One project down, twelve more to go. She sips some coke. She’s on her fourth bottle. The caffeine is kicking in. The phone rings.

FridayNext: Hello?
Matt: *whispering* Darling? Can you hear me?
FridayNext: What? Where are you?
Matt: I feel so violated. UniCorn is all over me!
FridayNext: Dream on, honey. Look, I’m really busy…
Matt: She licked me!
Silence
Matt: She ripped off my shirt.
FridayNext: What?
UniCorn: There you are! What are you doing in the closet? Are you talking to Fri? Give me the phone. Hi honey! Honey honey honey!
FridayNext: Are you drunk?
UniCorn: Noooooo...get off me, Matt!
Matt: I’m not doing anything!
FridayNext: What are you doing?
UniCorn: Kidding.
FridayNext: What are you up to?
UniCorn: Just showing the boys a good time. Maaaarh haaaarh.
Matt: *steals the phone back from UniCorn: I want you to come home now.
FridayNext: But I can’t. I’m so much behind still.
Matt: Really, come home!
FridayNext: Oh Matt! Get a grip. You’re a grown man.
UniCorn: Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you, Matty.
The line is disconnected.

Spidey: Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size, catches thieves just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.
UniCorn: What a cool song!
Matt: Guys, could you help me clean up a bit?
Spidey: I know. And it’s catchy too.
UniCorn: Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever…
Spidey: You’re ruining it!
UniCorn: No, I’m not. A spider can. Spins a web…
Spidey: You’re so out of tune, woman!
UniCorn: Look Sherlock…
Matt: Spidey, use a coaster, dammit!
Spidey: Chill, dude.
UniCorn: Maaaaaatt, I’m using a coaster. Look…
Matt: Thanks. That’s very sweet of you.
UniCorn: Mega-score!
Spidey: *cheers* Uni-Corn. Uni-Corn. Get freaky on the dance floor.
UniCorn: Alright! I’m freaky, I’m freaky!
Matt: Guys, could you keep it down? The neighbours…
Spidey & UniCorn in UniSon: Relax, don’t do it when you wanna get…
FridayNext: What the hell are you doing?
Matt: Honey, you’re home.
UniCorn: Oh Sherlock!
Spidey: Yo Fri. Check this out!
Spidey & UniCorn wriggle their bottoms all around the living room. Penguin style. FridayNext looks in disbelief then she looks at Matt.
Matt: I tried to make them stop, but they wouldn’t listen.
FridayNext: Look at the mess!
Matt: I asked them to use coasters…
Spidey: Matt, you’re so whipped!
Matt: You’re so webbed.
UniCorn: *laughing hysterically* Maaaarh haaaarh. Matt, you’re adorable.
Silence
UniCorn: I mean, you’re so funny.
FridayNext: How many cosmos have you had?
UniCorn: Me? I’m not drunk.
Spidey: No, you’re wasted.
Spidey & UniCorn in UniSon: *giggling* Oh yeah!
FridayNext: I can’t believe you guys. I’ve been working my tail off all day and then I come home to this…pigsty. How can you do this to me?
UniCorn: Sweetie…
FridayNext: I’m going to bed!

FridayNext marches into the bedroom. Matt sends Spidey and UniCorn a stern look.

Spidey: Cheer up, Matt. It may never happen.
Matt: *mumbles* I know what she needs…
Spidey & UniCorn in UniSon: Ewww. We don’t want to know!
Matt: For fuck’s sakes! She needs her friends and a nice cool strawberry daiquiri.
UniCorn: Alright! That’s the spirit. I get the liquor, you get Friday.