Delirious

FridayNext: I love you. I absolutely adore you. I love you. I love you. Please tell me that you love me too.
Spidey: You need to come over.
UniCorn: I can’t.
FridayNext: Oh honey. Darling. Sweetie. The apple of my eye. I luv you! LUV you!
Spidey: She’s losing it.
UniCorn: How bad can it be?
Spidey: Listen… *holds out the phone*
FridayNext: Let’s get married. I want to bear your children. Looooooove me!
UniCorn: What the heck…
Spidey: She’s been like this all morning.
UniCorn: What’s going on?
Spidey: I don’t know! Come over, for fuck’s sakes!
UniCorn: I can’t! I’ve been slacking off for weeks and I need to get this f-ing thesis done!
Spidey: Right. Thanks, Uni!
UniCorn: Look, she’s just dreaming about J-Man again. It’ll wear off.
Spidey: Oh, it’s not J-Man this time.
UniCorn: Then it’s Ace. It’s either or.
Spidey: Nope.
UniCorn: Who then?
Spidey: You are not gonna believe this.
UniCorn: Sherlock, are you gonna tell me or not?
Spidey: The bike.

Silence

Spidey: Are you still there?
UniCorn: She’s talking about her bike?
Spidey: No. She’s talking to her bike. She brought it home last night after work. She’s been acting all funny since last week.
UniCorn: How did she get it up all those stairs?
Spidey: Let’s just say that the big bad wolf wouldn’t have won the huffing competition between the two.
UniCorn: How does she look?
Spidey: Green as usual. It’s not like she’s going blue or red.
UniCorn: Where’s Matt?

Silence

UniCorn: Hello, Sherlock.
Spidey: I’m not gonna get involved.
UniCorn: You are so involved already. Where?
Spidey: Out with MumNext.
UniCorn: And that’s gonna make Fri’s day even better.
Spidey: She is clueless…
UniCorn: I know!
Spidey: …and right now she is so far out that I can’t reach her.
UniCorn: Give me half an hour.
Spidey: Kicking.

FridayNext: *screeching* I can move move move any mountain… Ding, ding, ding, ding, move out of my way, spiderboy!
Spidey: *jumping out of FN’s way* Goddammit! Get off the bike.
FridayNext: *still screeching* Ah ding ding ding, ah ding ding ding – it’s the froggy song! Oh, door!
Spidey: There are tire marks everywhere on the floor! Look at the sheep skin. It’s ruined for good, Fri!
FridayNext: Oh what do you care? You’re been sloppy since you moved in. Look at my kitchen – you’ve ruined all the cabinets with your web!
Spidey: Get off the bike before you hurt me!
FridayNext: You. It’s always about you! Shut the mutha-frickin’ up, spider-baby! And now for the encore: I CAN MOVE MOVE MOVE ANY MOUNTAIN!
Spidey: *mumbling* Let go of the 1990s music, will ya!
FridayNext: And the froggy song, on request. AH DING DING DING, AH DING DING DING! Oh my god, I’m so much fun! You love me, don’t you?
Spidey: You’re gonna crash!
FridayNext: FRONT DOOR! AAAAAHHHHHHH!
UniCorn: AAAHHHH!
Spidey: A mental image that will never leave my retinas!
FridayNext: Get off me, Uni! Remove those horribly long legs of yours!
UniCorn: Your bike is all over me! The front wheel is in my face – get it off me!
FridayNext: Don’t you ever speak ill of my lover!

Ten minutes later

UniCorn: You stay put on the sofa! I’m not gonna use force again, Fri!
Spidey: I love digital cameras. I got it all documented!
UniCorn: You are not helping. Take the bike down so we can clean up this mess.
FridayNext: Don’t touch it! Don’t touch it! You’re not worthy!
UniCorn: Puuuuuuurlease, sweets. Get a grip or I’ll smack you.
FridayNext: I love my bike.
UniCorn: I know.
Spidey: Insane in the membrane…insane in the brain!
FridayNext: That’s a good song. I remember it!
Spidey: Yeah, the song…
UniCorn: If you leave now, it won’t be too soon, Spidey!
FridayNext: Spidey. What a silly name.
UniCorn: What’s going on?
FridayNext: Well, I was having a great time until you opened the front door and tilted me and my bike.
UniCorn: Are you sure that you’re okay?
FridayNext: *snorts*
UniCorn: What pills did the doctor give you?
FridayNext: Oh don’t be so conservative. Pills are not necessarily bad for you.
UniCorn: Oh Honey. Remember who you’re talking to.
FridayNext: Oh Uni! I felt so bad. I went to Vomitville and thought I’d never come back. And then it hurt everywhere. And I just wanted to sleep like forever. And you know what?
UniCorn: What?
FridayNext: Y’know… I just miss you.
UniCorn: Aaaawwwwww!
FridayNext: I need a nap.
UniCorn: I get a blanket.
FridayNext: Cheers.