Moping Going Gluey

Today has been awful. It’s been the worst day in the history of time. At least for me. FridayNext and my not-so-fabulous life. You know when you meet people and they go…

Oh then I did this and then I did that, and then my hunky boyfriend just - out of the blue - came by and kissed me all over – in public – and then he brought me this (surely crap but at least he thought about his girlfriend along the way) whatever present and isn’t he just dreamy?

BITCH

Yeah, he’s dreamy. And he probably loves sushi as well. And come to think of it, he has teeth and eyes and hands, etc. Like all the other men that are already taken. As boyfriends or husbands or both.

Everybody else’s life always sounds pretty darn exciting and fab and extremely interesting. Is it just mine that sucks? Not always, not all the time. Just….at the moment? And these people can make anything they do sound f-ing interesting.

So then I went to the supermarket and there it was: a packet of … and I decided to buy 3 of them and then I realised that there was a discount so I actually saved tonnes of money.

This is a story that I would never spend time rehashing to my friends. Okay, I’ve just done it here, but blogs ask for this kind of behaviour. So you got a discount and now you have to live off that one food group for weeks! No, of course you won’t because you have your deeelish boyfriend and of course he’ll come over every evening so you can serve him the same kind of food over and over and over – and still he’ll love you and think you absolutely adorable and thin and thin and thin and thin and funny and gorgeous and thin and he’ll love you for just the person that you are. No more, no less.

Wait….

Had to throw up. Back on track now, I think. Must have been the pound of chocolate I gulfed down after work. And the two bags of crisps. And the cookie.

So glue.

It’s inevitable to think about glue when life sucks major time. It’s a theory of mine. There are two variants of glue.

Super glue. We all like that. We use it when we want something to last a lifetime. Then there’s the glue stick. You use it for whatever project that isn’t too important. Need to glue two pieces of paper together for some creative craft? Use glue stick.

Combine glue and people.

You meet lots of people in a life time. Some are fun and friendly and amazing and have hands, teeth and eyes, and some are…not although they have hands, teeth and eyes.

One day you meet UniCorn and you immediately locate the super glue because she sure is amazing in all the right ways and you want to stay close to her for life because she’s that funny/hilarious/mature/childish/adult/tall/amazingly redheaded/extremely patient with you/me. Not to mention her fab cleavage.

And in this case it works. You realise that she is on the same page as you when you feel something sticky on the right side of your body and you look down and you’re covered in super glue. In her hand is a used up tube of super glue and she smiles that cunning smile of hers and then she nods and says maaaah haaaaah, and you look at her all sheepish and then you unearth the entire room until you find your tube of super glue and speedier than evaaaaah you glue up her left side and voila. You’re glued together and it feels great and good and natural and honey, this is for life. Boyfriends, lovers, husbands, wives, children, family – they come and go, but we stick together for life. Nothing is going to tear us apart, darling.

In a very non sexual and anti brokeback manner. Of course. Because we’re just not that gay. Honey.

All is good. We all have good days and bad days. Super glue or no super glue. So life continues and you don’t think too much about it. Isn’t that what life is all about? It just happens and usually it’s not too absurd or adventurous or exciting. It’s just – routine upon routine and then a titbit you share with your UniCorn. In our case it’s usually going on a rollercoaster and screaming the loudest downhill. And then discussing who screamed the loudest.

One day. And it’s bound to happen. One day when you least expect it. It can be on the train to work, it can be at a boring business meeting, it can be in the local deli – it will happen. If it happened to me, it will surely happen to you.

One day, you are struck by lightening. A BillionMillion volts of pain and pleasure explode through your veins and you think you’re going to die. In front of you is this person, the person you hadn’t noticed before. It can be a woman, it can be a man. It’s not important. The person has super glue written all over the forehead. You are ready to bond for life, to take out a fourth mortgage if this person asks you to, anything for this person.

You wave your tube of super glue in the air.

No reaction.

You smile.
You joke.
You flirt.
You even try and show cleavage if you have one.

No reaction

One morning, very early in the day. You haven’t slept properly for two months. You decide today is the day.
You explain.
In writing.
There are two variants of glue. Super glue: the best. Glue stick: okay for paper, not for important stuff.

No reaction.

You elaborate:
Sometimes you meet people to whom you wish to stay super glued.

No reaction.

And then you need to realise that this person is either rather slow – although probably not the case since you don’t normally fall head over super glue with slow people – or simply….

Not interested.

How painful is that?

Even though you have UniCorn by your side.

Even though you have CodeCruncherGirl in your life and she’s the best backup for whichever problem and she is so full of surprises that you never get bored.

Even though you have TravellingChick in your life with whom you can discuss Jake and his hair and his body…chest...intellect! And you know you’re gonna miss her like crazy when she goes on her 9 months world tour.

When did I get greedy?